People of the Internet! The Department of Rehabilitation is willing to pay to send me back to school. But I’m having trouble deciding what I would like to go to school for/a career end goal.
I’m editing this post because I’ve been researching, reading, and thinking, and I think what I really want is a career that challenges me regularly, and let’s me actually help people.
Every job I’ve held in the past I’ve ended up hating because it just seemed so pointless and meaningless in the grand scheme of things, so I think helping others might be what I really should be doing.
- Aerospace. We have a strong aerospace presence here locally and there’s a program here that employers in that field often hand pick from. I enjoy working with my hands, and it’s a practical choice.
- Psychology. Brains are crazy interesting as are minds and my mental illness makes this even more interesting to me. I’m just not 100% sure I want to work as a medical care giver. Possibly work as a researcher.
- Biology. I’m considering Medical Lab Technician or maybe Veterinary Technician in the Biology area. There’s also Physician’s Assistant as well.
- Mortuary Sciences. I’m waiting to hear back from the head of this program at Cypress, as their list is requirements make their program a little iffy for me. They required proof of good mental health and I’m not sure how they determine this.
The good thing is I have a lot of general ed classes already completed and some coursework that might carry over for some of these ideas’ core courses. I honestly wouldn’t need a lot of coursework at the Associate’s level so it seems like no big deal to go one further, you know?
Not to brag, but I’m smart. I’m a really good learner. And after 30 hours of testing in just about everything, DOR basically told me I have an incredibly exceptional mind and I could be placed anywhere…. Which isn’t really helpful. “Yo kid, the sky’s the limit! Let’s not help narrow things down or anything!”
I’m sitting here now trying to come up with some genuinely interesting areas to look into before I meet with my counselor at the end of the month.
When I wake up tomorrow I’m going to try to get an appointment with a counselor at the college and see if they can help me narrow things down. I’m trying to be proactive but it’s hard when I’ve been so passive all my life.
I had another really weird dream.
I was with friends (my high school friend’s older sister Anna? A blonde woman?) and we took a road trip to visit some of her friends way out in the middle of nowhere.
There was this guy who wouldn’t wear clothes except underwear and he had some mental things going on. He hated being touched too but like he liked me enough to snuggle me. So we were snuggling for like 3 days and nights, nonstop.
Anna and the blonde woman had dropped me off there and left, but eventually Anna and the other girl came back and they were teasing him about having needs and then we all four left in the car.
But then it started storming and all of a sudden a portal opened and all this blackness liquid evil came pouring out along with huge monsters that were swallowing up everything. They looked like the things from the movie Critters, and were big enough to swallow a bus whole.
We were lucky enough to float to relative safety in our car, and then I woke up.
Woohoo! So many weird dreams this last couple weeks!
I was at an extended family Christmas celebration. It was me, all my aunts, uncles, cousins… And my friend D. I don’t know if we were together & that’s why he was there, but he was part of the family.
We had a meal, and I was doing the dishes afterwards when it was suddenly time fur Star Wars hide and seek. And we were in a huge mansion so so many places to hide! We were all in costume.
Eventually we all got caught and we returned to the living room, where we all had some red wine and sang Christmas songs together. D was ensconced on a couch surrounded by my family’s children and looked super happy.
The whole dream wasn’t too weird but it felt absolutely surreal.
I’m pretty sure I’m in the middle of a hypomanic thing right now. The last few nights time has really gotten away from me, I’ve stayed up way too late, slept way too late, and have been happily cleaning and cooking.
Thursday I started picking up trash to get rid of, and took I think two bags full out to the barrel. I collected some things for donation, and I selected more dvds to be sold or later donated. I made chicken thighs cooked in olive oil and balsamic vinegar, rice that was cooked in the droppings, and a small salad for my mom and I.
Friday I did more cleaning, and made chef’s salads for us for dinner. I fought the urge to bake bread at midnight. I took the playpen, and other chick brooder accoutrements outside to clean the space back up in my craft room.
Today I’ve swept the craft room, wiped the dust and dirt from my sewing machine and table, wiped the dust off of my bass, guitar & djembe (poor neglected things), and started straightening out the desk. I made potato soup for us for dinner and we both had seconds. Yum! I took some more donations out to my car too.
I still plan to put some jewelry away and put my laundry away tonight and maybe do some other small cleaning tasks.
Another crazy dream this week, folks!
This time, my dead friend Chris just showed up at my house in the middle of the night. Not even a phone call first. I was shocked but invited him in even though I wasn’t allowed to have guests.
He had lost a ton of weight while “dead” and while I still recognized him, he was like another person.
We ended up having sex… But I could barely feel him even though he was pretty big. And he didn’t know how to kiss – he was a drooler. There’s nothing worse than a drooler!
My mom kept walking in on us acting disgusted and then she started parading random people through the bedroom too. Most of them were Rafael’s extended family and they all wanted to shake hands.
We eventually finished having sex and he made all these weird mechanical spurting noises when he finished, like he was a machine. It was bizarre.
Then I woke up.
I took a nap this afternoon. I had a dream that I was friends with Shaq’s maid and went to his house with her.
Shaq and I immediately hit it off. Suddenly we’re dating. But Omg. His house was custom everything…. For his height. I couldn’t even get myself a glass of water because I couldn’t reach anything. Made me mad in my dream because his big dumb house rendered me helpless…😂.
In the last year, I’ve significantly altered my appearance. A couple new tattoos, and quite a few piercings, most of which are visible to the public eye.
I did a year of therapy, I found value in myself for probably the first time ever, and I started working on making my life better for me.
On Wednesday, I met with a paralegal to file a petition to have my misdemeanor expunged from my record because I want to try to get a job in aerospace. I have to wait 12 weeks to find out if the judge approved it.
Right now my life is all about finding the things that make me happy, and finally trying the things I’ve always wanted to do.
I spent the last couple days reading and asking questions, and early next year I hope to get my motorcycle license.
I plan on taking the safety course put on by the CHP and getting my license that way. It’ll give me a crash course in how to ride, ride safely, and will hopefully give me enough of an idea whether I want a bike or a scooter.
Right now I’m leaning more towards a bike, but with either one I think I want something in the 300 to 450 cc displacement range.
Of course this all ties in with paying off debt. At the end of this year, I should be able to pay off my Affirm account and close it.
That will free up $150 a month, and I plan to channel about half of that into extra payments on my smaller credit card balance. The smaller credit card should be about paid off by next December. At that point I should be able to refinance my loan with my bank to include my last remaining card, and hopefully be able to take the money I saved and put a solid down payment on a used bike or scooter and finance the rest.
Tejony’s wound is mostly healing well. There’s a spot in the middle though that won’t close up, and it’s still oozing a lot of fluid. The fluid is mostly clear, sometimes times 3 with a little blood, and has no odor. But after 2 weeks it shouldn’t still be draining, so he’s on a second course of antibiotics.
I’m hoping it’ll stop draining and start closing up in the center by the time he sees the vet again this weekend but I dunno.
Other than that though, he’s eating, drinking, wants to run and play, and is basically his normal sweet self.
I have had my Facebook account deactivated for all but about 3 months of the last two years. I hate it. It’s too intrusive and I finally decided to delete it.
I made a non-facebook affiliated messenger account, which was fine until I tried to sign in to a second device. I then got a message that my account was permanently banned. I couldn’t make a new account with the same phone number either. I only have one cell phone number.
At that point I had to grab my old account I wanted to delete to all talk to my friends. Ugh.
I set about deleting all personal info from my Facebook profile – changed my name, deleted thousands of photos and tags.
Then I find out that on a computer, or thru the android app, or through my phone browser, I can’t delete any photos that used to be profile pictures. And I can no longer deactivate my account. The option just isn’t there.
I ended up making a new account under an assumed name on Facebook, putting no personal info in it, locking down all the privacy as much as possible, adding the people I want to talk to on messenger, and deleting the Facebook app. No friend requests will be accepted on Facebook and I won’t be joining or liking anything to remain as incognito as possible.
Its super frustrating that once Facebook gets its claws into you, it does not want to ever let go. Grrr!
Tonight Tejony was out back, chasing rabbits. He was having a great time. It’s one of his favorite activities.
Then he ran full tilt into one of these.
This resulted in an 8″ gash behind his front leg through all the skin and down to the muscle. I could have put both my hands through it.
Obviously his next action was to get loaded into the backseat of my mom’s truck and off to the emergency vet. He was there until almost midnight, but they got him patched up with a lot of stitches, iv fluids, and meds.
When he got home, my mom and I helped him onto my bed and I put a shirt on him.
I’m pretty sure my mom will be taking tomorrow off work, and I be trying to sleep while kinda keeping an eye on my poor boy.
It was a total freak accident. Nobody would have seen this coming. A literal almost thousand dollar accident. Ugh.