I get messages from all sorts of people, usually in the middle of the night. This conversation comes from a particularly Douchey McDouchebag. Read on…
Me: So I got a second hole put in each of my earlobes yesterday.
Nikki: Wow. You’re getting to be pretty holey.
Me: Yes! Holier than thou!
That moment when you realize you accidentally donated your full body vinyl catsuit to Goodwill….
— 💖👑My Own Effin Princess👑🌈 (@debslosingit) May 18, 2017
Me: Some kinks I just can’t get on board with.
Chris: Me either.
Chris: Like food stuff.
Me: Like I’m all for hair pulling, and hard spankings, and hell I’m pretty sure I would be really down for a semi-public flogging…. but yeah some of that stuff? Nope.
Chris: I kinda figure you for a sex club person.
Me: I will let you talk dirty to me and call you Sir or whatever else you want but no bodily wastes, no food.
Chris: Haha who the hell ever thought “You know what these titties need? Waffles to eat off them…”?
Me: LOL!!!! Waffles LOL
Chris: Or like “I say hyacinth, your feet would look down right fuckable in a crock of beans…”
Me: Oh lord no!
Mattie: I think Sashi is living the thug life.
Me: Are you sure its not the pug life?
Liz: More like the Doug life!
Liz: I just pick him up sometimes for on the go giggles and then drop him off on the tree or something lol. He’s not super into snuggles unless he’s on his blanket, but is very tolerant of being held hugged for lil bits of time.
… huggles not giggles…
Like I’m running around giggling with this cat helplessly in my arms.
Me: Which is hilarious!
Me: My stupid phone wouldn’t let me type masturbation. I had to fix it.
Liz: Oh what?!
Me: Yeah it helps me say fuck all the time but masturbation? It doesn’t like that word lol
Liz: Double standard phone.
Me: lol yes. I can’t type the c-word for penis unless I want it to say cocktail. My phone is uncomfortable with sexuality.
Chris: Is that a Pokemon?
Me: It should be!
Me: Its fighting skill is surprise vomiting.
Chris: Oh so like a real Pokemon then?