• Dirty Feet

    My brain is really knocking the dreams out of the park lately. Yesterday afternoon I took a nap and this is what my brain produced.

    I was in my room sleeping, and I woke up hungry, so I went to the kitchen to make a cup o noodle. I glanced over at my aquarium and saw a large lizard crawling out of it, and up onto the screen door. I grabbed my phone and followed it outside too get a photo.

    Once I was outside, the lizard because a huge, bright green snake, and there were dozens of snakes all over the ground. I didn’t want to get bitten, so I turned around to go back inside, but found myself in the middle of a fancy party. I stood there kind of confused about all the people that were there, and someone’s dad thrust a tricolor guinea pig into my arms, who immediately started buying me.

    Then a woman pulled me aside, still holding the piggy, and cut, colored, and styled my hair because i was underprivileged. I tried to pay her via PayPal but my phone’s keyboard wouldn’t work. I realized i had been wearing only a ratty tank top and panties this whole time, and my feet were dirty.

    I had my cup o noodle in my hands and I woke up.

  • Crazy Alien Batshit Chaos Dream

    The other day I had a crazy dream. I know, what’s new? I always have crazy dreams thanks to Zoloft. This one was pretty whack though.

    I was living with my family in a huge house with like 50 other people, including a lot of children. Most of the rooms were enormous, spanking hundreds of feet. But my room, bathroom, and craft room were just like they are in my real life. Everyone wanted to sleep in my room or craft room, and I was having a meltdown over having these intruders in my personal space. Like full-blown, psychotic meltdown.

    A woman came out of my room with her hands over her mouth, saying she was sorry, she couldn’t make it. I went into my room, and found she had vomited in my pen cup. I took the cup and pens into my bathroom to clean them, and discovered my toothbrush cup was filled with cigarette ash. Then I accidently dropped the pens, and most of them fell down the drain.

    The house was filled with huge, 300+ gallon aquariums everywhere. All different types of fish. All fancy blue-backed acrylic tanks.

    We all day together on mats in rows in a huge room. Like a yoga class, but mostly we sat quietly, whispering to our neighbors. Then someone started playing music and some of the children started dancing. The aliens started searching for the source of the music, wanting to quiet it. The room was quiet again.

    The aliens were choosing people to take to their leaders to be killed. The rest of us went into the music room, where the aliens wouldn’t go because the music confused and agitated them. We beat on pianos, blasted video game music, sang along to guitars and ukuleles. And we talked about how to get away.

    It was time for action. We walked down the driveway and saw the alien leaders moving towards us. We tipped over the dumpster, scattering trash everywhere. The aliens started exploding!

  • Monster Magic Dream

    I fell asleep around 8pm and slept until 1130pm, and had a really bizarre dream. I was at a friend’s BBQ and I was kinda watching a little girl and I ended up with 3 snakes biting me in the forehead. I was freaking out, and wheeled the rolly chair I was in back to the group, where Tracy’s brother looked at me like I was pathetic and yanked the snakes off of my face.

    Then these people came in and started showing off all their strange products, and suddenly we were all deep in a warehouse. I was still really upset over the snakes and just wanted to leave but I couldn’t find any of my stuff. Tracy had a habit of moving my things so I tried to find her to ask where my things were so I could leave, but I couldn’t find her anywhere.

    Then all of a sudden I was talking to this Indian girl and we were about to be fed to a monster but we played dead and it ignored is. The girl’s mom gave it something from a small beaker and it morphed into a large, white bear.

    We escaped the bear and found ourselves in a room with two doors. At one door the bad guys were trying to get in at us but the other door was wired up with a bomb to blow up the warehouse.

    We went through the armed door, turned on the bomb, and ran like hell through the warehouse for the front doors. Other people were running with us and stealing everything they could carry as they ran.

    And then I woke up.

  • I Do Not Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas

    I just woke up from a terrible dream.

    Me and a couple other people answered an ad online to see a circus. Turns out it was in this old guy’s back yard. Bad things happened, he was holding me captive, there was sexual assault that I couldn’t remember because he was drugging me, and the other two people were in on it.

    Then we ended on a vacation together to this lake, which was ring shaped. I couldn’t leave to go home but I could wander around the lake so I did. My friend Kate was there, but she was severely physically disabled. We had a good time playing in the water.

    Then I was using a boogie board and I somehow shot up into the mud, up into the sky, and across the lake into the marshes on the other side. The water was really murky but really warm. Kate was over there too, and we weren’t exactly sure how to get back to the camps so we asked at a train station ticket booth. Right as we were about to buy tickets, I saw Yuba and Tejon in the street and they got into a big fight. Yuba came to me but Tejon ran off and jumped into the murky water, swimming away.

    It didn’t look right though so I ran after him, and then my mom was there and as I stripped down and jumped into the water, I saw the worst thing. A hippopatomus swimming towards me, with a scared and hurt Tejon in it’s mouth. It spit him out, and then grabbed him, and this time swallowed him. I just stood there, crying.

    Worst fucking dream ever.

  • Tower Gardens

    I had a really weird dream.

    My mom and I were with my aunt and uncle and we were supposed to be going straight home but somehow it was 4am, and I had to be at school at 7am and we were in another country. I was super angry and demanded we be taken home. There was a litter of puppies in the car, and my aunt insisted we finish delivering them first.

    I have a total meltdown, and then suddenly I was living with my parents in this huge house and my dad installed a bunch of hooks into my ceiling. I decided this was the perfect time to move my houseplants into my room.

    But my houseplants were all living in this weird, super hard to get to, dark tower that was filled with scary animals. Animals that had mixed with each other over time and gotten really weird.

    I had to use a really really tall ladder to access the tower room, and there was a lock on the door. It was old and I managed to get it open. Two other people were there helping me and first we had to remove a huge python who was guarding the door.

    Most of my plants were very dead but a few were still okay so we started grabbing them to be handed down the ladder. Then suddenly I noticed the tower room opened up to the left to a huge paddock. A horse came charging at me, but I stood my ground and smacked it on the butt as it ran by.

    Someone else appeared because they was their horse they thought died 20 years ago. They started telling me this story about how they retired the house to their uncle’s land, and at first people use to race go-karts there. Then over the decades they lost popularity and the horses traveled deeper into the hills until they entered the cave system that ended in this paddock.

    We finally got my plants out and were making our way back down the impossibly tall ladder when I woke up.

  • Duck-Billed Dino Madness

    Last night I dreamt that I made a sandwich with pepperoni, salami, bechamel, and lemon and lime slices and it was delicious.

    That was after I ran my fastest because dinosaurs (a whole herd of herbivores that looked a lot like Corythosaurus) were chasing me.

    While I was eating my sandwich they were opening the doors and windows of the house with their rather prehensile lips so they could come to see where I went.

    The other occupants of the house and I were trying to stay still and quiet so maybe they would go away.

  • Something New

    I’m going through my Dreamland posts and rewriting the ones that have more than a few short sentences into slightly fuller stories. They’ll be on the new page in my top menu as I add them.

    Not all of them will be rewritten because some just don’t have enough material to pull together in anything approximating cohesiveness.

  • Sex, Drugs, and Hamsters

    I had two super weird dreams last night.

    The first one, Alix and I went to a bar and some guy swapped out my phone, purse and wallet for one that looked the same but didn’t have any of my stuff in them. We meet up with these Asian people, a 17 year old girl and a 30 year old guy. They wrote love letters to me on my arms, and then we decided to go pick up some heroin and head out to a campsite to get high.

    The girl got the drugs and we all pulled into this weird car where somehow there were 5 of us and 4 of us were in an open compartment in the back, hanging on for dear life. While we were driving we were doing the heroin, which was used by painting it onto your skin and fingernails. High as fuck and we somehow made it to the campsite.

    Once we got there, there were these huge bowl shaped concrete things that were designed for sleeping in. I dove into one with the Asian guy where we had a lot of sex. I don’t remember any details except he had a freakishly thick cock.

    There was a noise outside and he went to investigate, and now I was in a room. A naked man, who was a knight, appeared in the corner, with a long pink feather boa draped around his body.

    The knights took us captive and into their magical kingdom. Somehow I defeated their Queen and became the new Queen, and lived in a house that was medievil stone work on the outside but completely modern inside. I had all the sexy sex with all the knights.

    Sex with the knights was bizarre because as a magical people, their bodies worked a little differently. Along with ejaculating the usual fluids, they also ejaculated tickets that could be traded in for prizes. Kinda weird. Make your man cum, gain prizes!

    Then I had a second dream, which while not so wild, was still weird.

    My dad was excited to show me something. He had bought me 48 hamsters, though the two largest looked like guinea pigs. He said Halo seemed bored with life. I asked if he got them any food and he said they only need to eat when their teeth hurt.

    The hamster pigs were in the feed trailer so I guess they could eat the hay and then I woke up.