Crazy dream time, guys!
I was on this huge mall planet on a vacation with my mom for 2 weeks. But 2 weeks anywhere can get boring, and a giant mall planet definitely can. I got 4 new tattoos. I knew everyone. I was ready to redecorate the camp bathroom. I finally ditched my cell phone and ran off with a bored couple (woman and man) for some consentual non-consent play, abduction play, paired with shoplifting, a road trip and some wild sci-fi twists I don’t really remember.
Then I was literally grabbed out of the back of the van by alien gods who were going to kill me. They failed the first time so now they were gonna do it for real. I was terrified.
Then Thor. Motherfucking glorious beautiful Thor dropped out of the heavens and fucking saved me. It was all a plan to surprise me for my birthday. Chris Hemsworth then stripped out of his Thor costume and we went jogging and then swimming and then I woke up.
I’ve never been so disappointed to wake up. He was amazing. And gorgeous. And nice. So fucking nice. Omg.
I had the weirdest dream.
I was asked out on a date by Chris (no one I know in real life but that was his name) and I said yes. But my mom only allowed me so many points per day to spend how I liked, so I had to decide all the way down to how much kissing if things went well. I got it figured out though and was ready to do this thing. My mom informed me if we wanted to make out it had to be in the light by Tiffany’s car. Who is Tiffany? Why do we have her car?
Anyway, then I got word this other guy (too much money, spoiled, demanding, no social skills) was going to ask me out. Obviously I was going to say no.
I was sitting on a public lawn on the Blvd in a spinning rolly chair when he approached. He demanded I come closer. I refused. He demanded someone bring me closer and even offered them $100. They refused.
Eventually he drags me in my rolly chair onto the street and there’s a slight hill. I give myself a little push and start rolling down the hill. He runs to keep up, trying not to spill his precious glass of brandy.
He’s angry and getting angrier. I’m laughing. Eventually he catches hold of my chair and demands I go out with him. I laugh in his face and tell him no and why. He gets so angry he vomits all over me. I punch him in the nose and head into the gay bar we’ve ended up in front of to use the bathroom to clean myself up.
I realize while in the bathroom that I’m having a hard time standing still. I look down and I’m wearing roller skate. There’s a full flight of stairs going down from the corner of the bathroom and I sit down on them to change into regular shoes. I’m a bit cleaner but I’m worried because I can’t go home to change and my date with Chris is in a few hours.
Oh sweet Cthulhu don’t let this be me!
I fell asleep super early tonight (and without the help of meds) and had a crazy dream that I was the second coming of Christ. Everyone found out because I guess I wrote a song or poem or who fucking knows what that told everyone just who I was.
And this church full of crazies wanted to get hold of me and crucify me. I obviously wanted none of this, so I escaped. Multiple times. In weirder and weirder ways. I stabbed someone to death with my brand new Gingher sewing shears (Omg I would never! Those blades are sacred!) and at one point a church defector who could fucking fly helped me get away.
Then an older guy gave me the mini tool kit and his souped up, all terrain, amphibious lawn mower and I jumped on, hauling ass across the county. Did I mention this thing could also fly?
I had just stolen a set of earrings (a girl has to look her best when running for her life!) from a fish farm when I peed myself in my dream because there’s no time for potty breaks.
Believe you me I woke up fast afraid I had actually peed the bed. Whew! Nope! But I got up and peed and took my meds anyway.
I had the weirdest dream. I was at a huge 3 story mall and I had returned something and got $26 back. A $20, a $5, and a $1.
I was walking the mall, and this guy in bad drag picked my pocket and kept pretending to give me back my money but it was all obvious fakes. $3 bills and stuff.
Somehow I knew he was really a fish and I got him to change back to his fish form so I put him in a baggie and took him to the mall cops. He was a danio. But he died in the bag before it was my turn (I had to wait in line until they called my number) and they could make him give my money back.
The mall cop gave me $26 after writing up so crazy report that the pet store overcharged me by that much and a refund was owed, and then I got in my car and drove home.
The other day, I woke up and almost called 911 for myself. I literally had to talk myself down and convince myself what I thought happened was just a dream and it wasn’t real.
In my dream, I woke up, took the entire bottle of klonopin that’s next to my bed with my other meds, passed out, and couldn’t wake up. Then when I did wake up in real life, I was convinced I had actually tried to kill myself and needed to call for help immediately.
The zoloft I take gives me crazy, vivid dreams. Like they’re insanely real feeling, and sometimes I have a lot of difficulty telling what was a dream and what wasn’t. But this is the first time the zoloft has given me a scary dream. I don’t want to do that again.
Christmas afternoon, I took a nap, because Christmas is exciting and I stayed up too late and woke up too early, and I had a dream that was so real, I thought it actually happened when I woke up.
When I was dreaming, I opened my closet and found my dream bass leaning up against the wall. It looked a lot like a B. C. Rich stealth, and it was black, and I was super excited. And I could play!
When I woke up I actually looked for it, before realizing that oh yeah, I can’t play for shit – definitely a dream. And the bass a really want is a white Warlock or even a Mockingbird. It has to be white.
So weird random dream, but cool because it was pleasant and pretty normal overall. 🙂
… that a guy was following me somehow. I first saw him because he ran out in front of me while I was driving and he was on fire. But he was angry, and seemed unconcerned that he was burning, so I kept driving. I saw him watching me from several other places as I drove on. I was lost. Up ahead I saw Bravery Brewing, but it was a different place then it actually is, and I realized how lost I was. I opened my Maps app and put in the address of my high school, but it just kept showing me ads and no directions. I drove back how I had come, but nothing looking familiar.
Finally I stopped for gas and when I got back in my truck, the man who had been following me was inside it. He had an aerosol can and was huffing from it, and a big knife. He started threatening me with the knife and then suddenly I was in a canyon. There was another guy there trying to help me get rid of the guy in my truck, and then suddenly I was on a motorcycle, careening down the narrow canyon road. The first guy was following after me, and I jumped the bike off of the trail. Where I landed was a beach, and the second guy was there with three others. They convinced me to go with them, on foot.
The beach was a mermaid encampment, and the mermaids were all in human form… except for their teeth. Great, long fangs, some with sabre-tooth tiger teeth. They took me to a walled, roofed enclosure with 8 mermaids and 7 other women and closed the door. Suddenly I knew the mermaids were going to eat us. When the mermaid nearest me grabbed me, I bashed her face into a rock, breaking her teeth and shoved her into the grasp of the next nearest mermaid, who started to eat her.
Then the doors opened in the midst of the chaos, I started to run, and I woke up.
… that our entire refrigerator was filled with nothing but Mt Dew. Mt Dew is my favorite soda, but a whole fridge full? That’s a bit excessive. And then I saw this headline when I got up. 7,000+ gallons of Mt Dew syrup spilled down the drain. Eek! What a sticky mess!