General

Pillows! Oh my! 

I realized that pillows, even down pillows, can be washed in the washer and dryer. Suddenly the giant black trash bag full of pillows that were my dad’s and grandparents’ got really appealing. I love pillows. Like there’s no such thing as too many pillows on my bed. Begin laundering pillows, including the ones I already had. 

I had a body pillow, plus 3 regular ones. That was yesterday. 

Today I have a body pillow, plus 5 regular ones… And I have two more in the washer now. 

I’ve also made matching pillowcases for all my pillows that weren’t already dressed in some shade of wine and I think I have enough fabric left in the right shades to make the pillowcases for the last two pillows when they dry. 

My bed is no longer a bed. It’s a fluffy cloud nest. I fucking love it.

Of course if I ever get around to buying another set of sheets, I’ll have to make more pillowcases. But that’s not going to be for a little while. 

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General

Yes, I Did It Again

I had therapy yesterday, which was tough, but it brought some facts to light I had never really considered before. I love therapy because even if it brings up painful things sometimes, it helps me look at myself and my actions objectively and since I’m really into facts over feelings, it honestly makes me feel better about myself, and I love that. ❤️💛💚💙💜

Today I woke up and I was freezing. It’s not Halloween yet. It shouldn’t be this cold, I thought. And the temp wasn’t that cold – mid-50’s, but there is a cold, hard blowing wind. And my window is open. And the fan was on. I turned the fan off but I’m not quite ready to close the window yet. I’ll live with being chilly a little longer.

I cleaned up after the puppies, let them out to play, and made myself something to eat. I had a nice snuggle with Yuba, who was happy to hog all my blankets and not share them. Then I got a black felt tip pen, a new 18g needle, and went into my bathroom.

Ten minutes later, I had a 3rd hole in each earlobe, though I had to do the left side twice because the first one was too low. There was a lot of blood – it was running down my face and neck – but it stopped pretty quickly. Still, its really hard to hold onto a fiddly earring back and try to push it into place when your fingers and earlobe are slippery with a ridiculous amount of blood from such a tiny pair of holes.

I have a few new pieces of body jewelry coming in the next few days, and one of them is a super cute nose screw, so that’s what I be piercing next. I’m going to order a pair of bucket forceps and try to do my traguses myself too.

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General

Things & Thoughts

I’ve still got quite a few piercings on my wishlist- both tragus, nose, and outer labia for sure, and maybe navel, and another helix. I’ve also decided to just invest in forceps and piercing needles in the appropriate sizes and do most of them myself. I want to do them this way because 1) save money, 2) it’ll be an interesting experience. And with the right tools, I feel like I stand a good chance of actually doing them right. Worst case, I just let them close back up again if they’re not quite right. But anyway, that’s for next month.

I also made a small order for some new jewelry as I had a coupon I couldn’t not use- $5 off and some of the items I wanted were on sale so I basically only paid shipping. I’ve got a few items from Ali Express on their way as well as (hopefully soon!) my Sanchezmas box. I’m super excited for that one!

I started watching Underground a few days ago- something Chris wanted me to watch, and now I’m torn when I watch a few episodes between just enjoying the show, and desperately wanting to talk to him about it. It hurts my heart something fierce and I hate feeling that way. My friend is still gone, and there’s still an empty place in my heart.

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General

Crushed

This morning I slept in, and woke up to terrible news. On Facebook, I saw that my good friend, one of my best friends, Chris, had died on the 5th. I talked to him on the 4th and he seemed to be doing pretty well, though he was embarrassed from a bad fall he had taken I think the day before.

Chris was one of the first people who befriended me on AudioGalaxy back in 1999, and we had talked almost every day since. There was a period where he visited a girlfriend in Canuckistan and was off the grid- I thought for sure he had died because he neglected to tell me where he was going.

This time though, his death is real, not imagined, and my heart is breaking. He had some recent health problems, and he was a big guy, very overweight, but he was doing okay from what he told me. I still don’t know what happened, what the cause of death was, except that it was sudden.

In the almost 20 years we were friends, we only spoke on the phone once, and I regret not having done so more often. Chris was one of my best friends and I miss him already. Rest in peace, you dirty old man. I love you.

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General

Adulting LOL

Yesterday was filled with adulting. I woke up at 6am, got dressed, put on a little makeup, and got Yuba ready to go out. I put on his thundershirt and his harness, and we got in the car. We drove to the vet and pretty soon my little boy was checked in for surgery. He was getting neutered.

I drove to the bank, pulled out money, and went to Home Depot and bought some garage hooks to temporarily hang up my ukes. Then I went to Dollar Tree and bought some nail polish.

I tried the 99¢ Only store but they don’t have nail polish and by them it was almost time for Guitar Center to open. I went in, bought a wall mount guitar hanger and then headed back towards Lancaster.

On the way, I stopped at Horizon Comics and looked to see if he had volume 3 of Paper Girls in yet. He didn’t, but I ended up buying two volumes of I Hate Fairyland instead.

From there I went to the beauty school and got my hair trimmed and sides shaved again. Then gas in the car, money into my other bank, and home.

Once home, I made some phone calls for my mom and watched a few episodes of Rick and Morty and paid some bills. Then it was time to go pick up Yubi.

Yubi heard my voice and came straight to me when they brought him out. My poor baby boy was so glad to see me. And he was out of  it enough that the ride home was uneventful for him.

After we got home, I did the dishes, and got something to eat. I also ordered a few things I needed from Amazon.

It was a long day, but I got a lot done. Today won’t be as long or busy, but I going to be out of the house for most of the evening.

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General

Cleaning, Getting Rid Of, and Taking Care Of

I spent almost all day on Sunday cleaning. I went through my cedar chest and my craft room, and I found a ton more stuff to donate that I just don’t love enough to leave up in my shop. I rearranged furniture. I put things away. I’m not pleased with where I moved Bill’s tank to (I can’t see him from my bed anymore), but overall I am happy with where everything else is.

Monday a really nice family came out to meet Hawk, and they took him home. He jumped right in the car with them and happily ate the canned food they brought him. I feel pretty confident he’s a good match for their family and I hope he really does get his forever with them- he deserves it.

Later in the evening, another family came and got 5 roosters from us. I helped my mom catch them and each one was tucked into a feed bag for easy transport. Its pretty quiet without them crowing at all odd hours.

Wednesday, Yuba is scheduled for his neutering. I have to be up at 630am to get him there at 8am for the drop off. I feel bad for him because he’s not yet at the “car rides are amazing!” stage of dogdom and he’s my shy boy so the vet is terrifying. But its important that he be neutered, and neutered early, because 1) I don’t want him lifting his leg, and 2) I don’t want him getting up to no good with his mama if they don’t get her spayed.

My mom mentioned that they might want to find a new home for one of the other female dogs… I don’t know who would take her though. She’s mean and she’s crazy. They bred her once and she chewed the heads off of most of the puppies. Yuba’s dad was one of the only survivors. Yes, crazy is in my pup’s genes, but he’s pretty even tempered so far. Anyway, I hope if they do decide to get rid of her, I can find somewhere for her to go. They really need a lot less animals.

I’ve also slowed way down on the body mods. It’s been at least a month since my last piercings and I don’t really feel the need to go out and get the next one. I feel content right now.

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General

Help Hawk Find A Home

Several months ago, this handsome boy wandered into my mom’s yard. We had him checked for a microchip, and he had one, but his people didn’t want him back. We’ve been calling him Hawk.

He’s mostly or maybe even all German Shepherd, and he’s a big boy. Easily 100 pounds. He’s also incredibly sweet, very friendly, gets along with other dogs, and he’s chicken safe. He has a rooster he snuggles with every evening.

He knows a few commands, he’s neutered, and he’s just an all around good boy. He’s also older – I would guess between 6 and 10 years as he’s just starting to go grey around his nose.

I’ve posted about him on the Book of Faces, and I’ve also contacted a German Shepherd rescue in Los Angeles. I’m hoping to either hear back from the rescue soon or get another lead on who to contact. We don’t want to take him to animal control, but he really does need a loving home where he can be part of a family.

Hawk went home with a nice family 9/25/17. I hope he’s found his forever! He deserves it!

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General · Kinky Fun

Party Weekend 

Friday night I spent a bit longer than usual on my face, grabbed my favorite tote bag with a few things in it, and drove into town. I was going to a party. A birthday party. But not just a birthday party, a kinky play party too. It was going to be a first for me but I psyched myself up and told myself it would be okay because the hostess, the only person I really knew on any level, assured me it was just friends and no random people.

I pulled up in front of her house and spent a few minutes breathing deeply. You can do this. Just walk in. This is a safe place. It’s okay. When I was ready I grabbed my tote, and walked up to the door. I rant the doorbell and my friend answered.

As people started showing up, I realized I had met a few of them before at the few munches I attended, and those I didn’t know were really nice. I had changed into a crochet dress/cover-up with nothing under it which got a lot of compliments and honestly even though all of me was on display, I was very comfortable wearing it. My mom definitely instilled a sense of body positivity in me – she was always wandering around naked in the evenings so to me nakedness is no big deal.

The birthday boy was turning 20. I hadn’t met him before but he seemed nice. He asked if anyone wanted a flogging. My hand shot up because this is on my to-do list. Someing I’ve wanted to experience. We discussed what was okay and what wasn’t (I basically said I was open to whatever because I hate setting limits on things I don’t really know about) and we got started. He began very gently and worked up to harder strikes. And my friends! It was delightful! I loved it! Afterwards he rubbed me down with lotion, and after asking if it was okay, brought me to orgasm via g-spot. Such a nice experience. Then I spent close to an hour talking to a beautiful trans woman who told me about her transition and just general conversation. She had brought a Sibian machine, which another woman rode and I kind of wish I had too.

There was a hot tub and I spent quite a bit of time in there chatting with the guy who took some of the extra furniture we had around here. Almost everyone was feeling the effects of the edibles someone brought, except me. I’ve yet to get high and I had no desire to at that point.

After that I spent some time in the living room chatting with a Dom and at one point he asked if he could spank me. I was on my knees and bent over the couch with my dress pulled up to my waist in about ten seconds. He struck me 12 times and harder than anyone else has done. I loved it. We spent some more time talking and not long after the evening was done.

I had a really good time, made some new friends, and would definitely attend again. I went home, found and friend requested most of the people I met on Fet and went to sleep.

Saturday my friend’s parents were throwing a party. I’m not sure what happened, but literally no one was there in my age bracket except 3 role, 2 of which didn’t stay long. The 3rd…we had a falling out a while back and I had him blocked on most social media but he apologized and it was us and a bunch of people who could be our parents.

Much rum and coke was drunk by me, and I was fairly drunk. After I sobered up, I left taking the other person my age home with me. There was some kissing and some oral stuff, but that was it – we cuddled the rest of the night and I drove him home in the morning since I needed to go grocery shopping anyway.

He told me he met Mattie’s new girlfriend and she’s dumb ass a box of rocks but doesn’t know anything else about her. I was a little disappointed in the lack of gossip… Lol.

I’ve spent quite a bit of time texting the Dom and discussing limits and things we both like and don’t like and I think we’re mostly on the same page. Hopefully soon we can arrange to have a play date and see how it goes. I’m excited to explore this more.

General

Online Dating – A Genuine Attempt

I realized I have no idea how people even go about meeting people now. Like how do you find new people to date? Do they just appear? Do you throw a Pokeball™ at them and hope for the best? I’m just baffled by this whole meeting new people thing. And dating! Jesus. I’ve never really dated. I’ve slept with many people. I’ve had a few relationships. But I’ve pretty much bypassed dating completely.

I’m on a few dating sites. And I placed an ad on Craigslist (I know, I know, its the dregs of the internet.) which has had mixed results. I’ve received 4 random dick pics with no accompanying text to which I replied with a photo of my toes. Only one guy got the humor in a “random body part photo exchange.”

Anyway, last Wednesday I was supposed to have my first date. Super casual, meet at Sharky’s and shoot a few racks. Except he never showed up. I stayed for 90 minutes, shot 5 racks by myself, had a cheeseburger, and a beer. It was actually kind of fun. Turns out  that since he works nights, he neglected to set an alarm and overslept. I didn’t get mad but I was disappointed.

Friday night I’m going to a BDSM play party. Its my first one and I’m nervous, but I’m more nervous about wearing the wrong thing or something. I have no lingerie, no cute undies (I think I have one plain black pair but they’re still granny panties) so I’m thinking I’ll just go commando in my cute new jeans and wear the orange crochet lace top I sewed a few years ago. I’m not sure if I want to go sans bra or not. I know the hostess, and I’ve met a few of the other guests a few times but mostly its going to be people I don’t know at all. But so far all the kink-minded people I’ve met have been amazing. Kind, respectful, and friendly. So we’ll see.

Saturday I’m going to another party thrown by a friend’s parents. There will be people of all ages there, and most of them I won’t know. But I’m looking at it as another chance to meet people and maybe meet interesting people. I know some of them are kink-oriented as well to varying degrees.

Next Wednesday I have a tentative date in the planning with a man I met online, and possibly another one for the following Saturday. I’m excited and I’m nervous and I’m trying not to freak out. I could really use my therapist through this, but after I see her tomorrow, I won’t see her for almost a month. I would also like to try to plan something with the guy who flaked on me again, but I’m not sure that’s going to happen. He’s been a bit distant lately online.

Anyway, we’ll see how it all goes and hopefully at worst, I’ll have a good story to tell.

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Beauty · General · Health

This Week

I popped by Horizon Comics yesterday and I picked these up. I’m looking forward to reading them, and soon picking up vol. 3 of Paper Girls.

Today I got all summered up in my flamingo dress, lobster earrings, and flowers in my hair. I thought about adding a summery hat too but decided that was enough.

My first stop was CVS, where I picked up a lip brush, this cleanser, and an Rx. This stuff is great! I’m already in love with their moisturizer which I use almost daily, and when I got home, I washed my face with it and my make-up just rinsed right away.

Before I came home though I did some window shopping at Guitar Center (where I saw almost my perfect dream bass for $700+) and almost came home with a new Luna uke. She has the sweetest voice.

I also went to see Stephanie at Hottie Body and we finally did my triangle piercing. It was agonizing. And amazing. I didn’t know if I was going to cry or cum. Like Jesus fucking Christ wow. So intense. I can’t wait for it to heal up a bit and I can take it for a test drive.

After that was done, I went to therapy, which went well. We talked about my need to control things and how that translates to me modifying my body, and my fearfulness of men I don’t know well.

That was pretty much the end of my day. I went home, had something to eat, and I’m hoping to get some better sleep tonight than I did last night. I did get my 14g to 12g taper in the mail today and I stretched my nipple piercings to 12g. Eventually I want to bring them up to 10g.

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