General

Help Hawk Find A Home

Several months ago, this handsome boy wandered into my mom’s yard. We had him checked for a microchip, and he had one, but his people didn’t want him back. We’ve been calling him Hawk.

He’s mostly or maybe even all German Shepherd, and he’s a big boy. Easily 100 pounds. He’s also incredibly sweet, very friendly, gets along with other dogs, and he’s chicken safe. He has a rooster he snuggles with every evening.

He knows a few commands, he’s neutered, and he’s just an all around good boy. He’s also older – I would guess between 6 and 10 years as he’s just starting to go grey around his nose.

I’ve posted about him on the Book of Faces, and I’ve also contacted a German Shepherd rescue in Los Angeles. I’m hoping to either hear back from the rescue soon or get another lead on who to contact. We don’t want to take him to animal control, but he really does need a loving home where he can be part of a family.

Hawk went home with a nice family 9/25/17. I hope he’s found his forever! He deserves it!

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General · Kinky Fun

Party Weekend 

Friday night I spent a bit longer than usual on my face, grabbed my favorite tote bag with a few things in it, and drove into town. I was going to a party. A birthday party. But not just a birthday party, a kinky play party too. It was going to be a first for me but I psyched myself up and told myself it would be okay because the hostess, the only person I really knew on any level, assured me it was just friends and no random people.

I pulled up in front of her house and spent a few minutes breathing deeply. You can do this. Just walk in. This is a safe place. It’s okay. When I was ready I grabbed my tote, and walked up to the door. I rant the doorbell and my friend answered.

As people started showing up, I realized I had met a few of them before at the few munches I attended, and those I didn’t know were really nice. I had changed into a crochet dress/cover-up with nothing under it which got a lot of compliments and honestly even though all of me was on display, I was very comfortable wearing it. My mom definitely instilled a sense of body positivity in me – she was always wandering around naked in the evenings so to me nakedness is no big deal.

The birthday boy was turning 20. I hadn’t met him before but he seemed nice. He asked if anyone wanted a flogging. My hand shot up because this is on my to-do list. Someing I’ve wanted to experience. We discussed what was okay and what wasn’t (I basically said I was open to whatever because I hate setting limits on things I don’t really know about) and we got started. He began very gently and worked up to harder strikes. And my friends! It was delightful! I loved it! Afterwards he rubbed me down with lotion, and after asking if it was okay, brought me to orgasm via g-spot. Such a nice experience. Then I spent close to an hour talking to a beautiful trans woman who told me about her transition and just general conversation. She had brought a Sibian machine, which another woman rode and I kind of wish I had too.

There was a hot tub and I spent quite a bit of time in there chatting with the guy who took some of the extra furniture we had around here. Almost everyone was feeling the effects of the edibles someone brought, except me. I’ve yet to get high and I had no desire to at that point.

After that I spent some time in the living room chatting with a Dom and at one point he asked if he could spank me. I was on my knees and bent over the couch with my dress pulled up to my waist in about ten seconds. He struck me 12 times and harder than anyone else has done. I loved it. We spent some more time talking and not long after the evening was done.

I had a really good time, made some new friends, and would definitely attend again. I went home, found and friend requested most of the people I met on Fet and went to sleep.

Saturday my friend’s parents were throwing a party. I’m not sure what happened, but literally no one was there in my age bracket except 3 role, 2 of which didn’t stay long. The 3rd…we had a falling out a while back and I had him blocked on most social media but he apologized and it was us and a bunch of people who could be our parents.

Much rum and coke was drunk by me, and I was fairly drunk. After I sobered up, I left taking the other person my age home with me. There was some kissing and some oral stuff, but that was it – we cuddled the rest of the night and I drove him home in the morning since I needed to go grocery shopping anyway.

He told me he met Mattie’s new girlfriend and she’s dumb ass a box of rocks but doesn’t know anything else about her. I was a little disappointed in the lack of gossip… Lol.

I’ve spent quite a bit of time texting the Dom and discussing limits and things we both like and don’t like and I think we’re mostly on the same page. Hopefully soon we can arrange to have a play date and see how it goes. I’m excited to explore this more.

General

Online Dating – A Genuine Attempt

I realized I have no idea how people even go about meeting people now. Like how do you find new people to date? Do they just appear? Do you throw a Pokeball™ at them and hope for the best? I’m just baffled by this whole meeting new people thing. And dating! Jesus. I’ve never really dated. I’ve slept with many people. I’ve had a few relationships. But I’ve pretty much bypassed dating completely.

I’m on a few dating sites. And I placed an ad on Craigslist (I know, I know, its the dregs of the internet.) which has had mixed results. I’ve received 4 random dick pics with no accompanying text to which I replied with a photo of my toes. Only one guy got the humor in a “random body part photo exchange.”

Anyway, last Wednesday I was supposed to have my first date. Super casual, meet at Sharky’s and shoot a few racks. Except he never showed up. I stayed for 90 minutes, shot 5 racks by myself, had a cheeseburger, and a beer. It was actually kind of fun. Turns out  that since he works nights, he neglected to set an alarm and overslept. I didn’t get mad but I was disappointed.

Friday night I’m going to a BDSM play party. Its my first one and I’m nervous, but I’m more nervous about wearing the wrong thing or something. I have no lingerie, no cute undies (I think I have one plain black pair but they’re still granny panties) so I’m thinking I’ll just go commando in my cute new jeans and wear the orange crochet lace top I sewed a few years ago. I’m not sure if I want to go sans bra or not. I know the hostess, and I’ve met a few of the other guests a few times but mostly its going to be people I don’t know at all. But so far all the kink-minded people I’ve met have been amazing. Kind, respectful, and friendly. So we’ll see.

Saturday I’m going to another party thrown by a friend’s parents. There will be people of all ages there, and most of them I won’t know. But I’m looking at it as another chance to meet people and maybe meet interesting people. I know some of them are kink-oriented as well to varying degrees.

Next Wednesday I have a tentative date in the planning with a man I met online, and possibly another one for the following Saturday. I’m excited and I’m nervous and I’m trying not to freak out. I could really use my therapist through this, but after I see her tomorrow, I won’t see her for almost a month. I would also like to try to plan something with the guy who flaked on me again, but I’m not sure that’s going to happen. He’s been a bit distant lately online.

Anyway, we’ll see how it all goes and hopefully at worst, I’ll have a good story to tell.

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Beauty · General · Health

This Week

I popped by Horizon Comics yesterday and I picked these up. I’m looking forward to reading them, and soon picking up vol. 3 of Paper Girls.

Today I got all summered up in my flamingo dress, lobster earrings, and flowers in my hair. I thought about adding a summery hat too but decided that was enough.

My first stop was CVS, where I picked up a lip brush, this cleanser, and an Rx. This stuff is great! I’m already in love with their moisturizer which I use almost daily, and when I got home, I washed my face with it and my make-up just rinsed right away.

Before I came home though I did some window shopping at Guitar Center (where I saw almost my perfect dream bass for $700+) and almost came home with a new Luna uke. She has the sweetest voice.

I also went to see Stephanie at Hottie Body and we finally did my triangle piercing. It was agonizing. And amazing. I didn’t know if I was going to cry or cum. Like Jesus fucking Christ wow. So intense. I can’t wait for it to heal up a bit and I can take it for a test drive.

After that was done, I went to therapy, which went well. We talked about my need to control things and how that translates to me modifying my body, and my fearfulness of men I don’t know well.

That was pretty much the end of my day. I went home, had something to eat, and I’m hoping to get some better sleep tonight than I did last night. I did get my 14g to 12g taper in the mail today and I stretched my nipple piercings to 12g. Eventually I want to bring them up to 10g.

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Beauty · General

Things I’m Buying

I made a nice sale in my shop, so I was able to put some towards the big things, and I bought a few things I needed as well. Unfortunately, one item will have to be returned because it won’t work out for me. That was a toilet paper roll storage holder that clips onto the side of your toilet tank. Too bad the ceramic of my tank is too thick, and its shaped all wrong to actually use. If my toilet tank was more square, it would be worth bending the hooks and making it work.  It works hanging off of one of the wire racks over my toilet though, so it’s a keeper.

I also realized that spice racks as nail polish shelves are genius! Obviously I need more nail polish, right?

I also ordered a container to store the puppy food in because the stupid mice are eating their way through the bag, helping themselves to as much as they’d like. Right now the puppy food is in one of my plastic file boxes I pulled out of the craft room because the mice wasted no time chewing into the new bag. I hate mice.

I also went back to the piercer to discuss this piercing with her. She doesn’t have the right jewelry in stock to do it so hopefully the right piece will come in next week and we can go ahead. I ended up leaving with an industrial piercing on my left ear, and a helix on my right. Of course I obviously didn’t think it all through because I sleep on my left side mostly, and now I can’t because its so sore, and even more not thought out was getting cartilage piercings on both ears at the same time.

The night before I went to the piercer though, I popped by Psycho City Tattoo and got my WORTHY tattoo done, as well as the star in my chest piece recolored. Bob Ackermann did a great job on both and I couldn’t be happier. 🙂

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General

Things Coming Up

I’ve got some things coming up and I’m kinda overwhelmed by them. As usual, I forgot my car registration is coming due. So that’s $96 in October. And when Yuba turns 4 months old, which is just in a few weeks, he’ll be getting neutered, another $95 + maybe a little more. And there’s little expenses that aren’t my regular ones I need to take care of. I could delay his neutering but I want it done as young as possible so maybe he’ll never start lifting his leg. I hate when boy dogs pee all over everything. And then there’s the $288 I owe Verizon… They’ve been sending me bills on the regular, so that really needs to get paid off too ASAP.

The first weekend in October is Bark at the Park… which I really want to go to with Yuba, but I need to see if he can manage to walk nicely on a least first. We’ve been working on sit and down though with the boys and they already have sit down pretty well. Down is a work in progress but we’ve just started practicing it a few days ago. I have almost 2 months to work on walking on the leash though so I think he’ll be fine. 🙂

I mean one way or another I’ll manage to juggle it all but I’m just like ugh! Everything comes on all at once! I’m honestly thinking of putting it all on a credit card… I hate to do it, because interest, but I could easily pay it off over 3 months and it would all be done with a lot less stress.

 

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General

About Ear Piercings

A week or so ago, I got my earlobes pierced with a second hole. No big deal, right? Well, because I didn’t know any better, I let her use these little disposable cartridge things, basically a replacement for the piercing gun. They were fine for about two days, and then they swelled up a lot and hurt like hell. No heat so no infection but I ended up popping off the way too tight earring backs and replacing them with smaller, soft plastic backs (put on looser) to allow more space for the swelling.

Almost immediately, the swelling started going down and 2 days later, only the right one is a little swollen still. They’re almost back to being pain free again.

I’ve been super happy with my other piercings from this piercer though so I will go back to her, but I’ll be sure to request she does not use the cartridge on any future piercings. I didn’t know any better, and I’m calling this a lesson learned.

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General · Health

Finding Myself Again (Depression is a Mother Fucking Bitch!)

Tonight, after everyone was asleep, I took a shower. And while I was in there, I realized showering is recently a much more complex affair then it was two months ago. I have antibacterial soap to cleanse my numerous new piercings. I have facial cleanser to wash away the day’s makeup. I have body wash for the rest of my skin. I have an expensive tar shampoo to wash my hair and soothe my scalp. And after I get out, I have a fancy, delicious smelling coconut oil conditioner to work into my hair to make it smooth and shiny and soft. And that’s not even counting if I’m shaving – then there’s soap and razors. Maybe baby oil to rub over my skin afterwards.

Makeup. The day’s makeup. I went literally years without a touch of it on my face and now I’m wearing it almost every day because I feel beautiful with it on. My new piercings. 6 total in the last ten weeks because they make me feel pretty with more planned.

I’ve purchased jewelry that I’m actually wearing. I signed up for Ipsy. I bought nail polish twice in recent weeks and I’ve done my nails 3 times in the last week. My hair is currently in curling rods in the hopes of having fabulous cascading curls tomorrow when I wake up.

My next body mod will be a small tattoo that will be a reminder that I have value and I am worthy of so many things – love, good health, friendship, family, good things in my life. This is a thing I have a problem with and I often forget but I’m working on it with my therapist and all these things above are signs of progress. I feel good about myself for the first time in at least 6 years. I feel WORTHY of self – care for the first time in longer than I can remember.

Depression is a mother fucking bitch. You lose track of what’s important (yourself) and you stop believing in your WORTH. Even with medication, my environment was still a big determiner of how I felt about myself. Getting away from my ex was the best thing I could have done for myself and I only regret not doing it sooner.

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General · Health

I’m Okay

Things have cooled off and I feel like I’m in a much better place emotionally/mentally. I feel calmer, more in control, and less… well, crazy. This is good. I’m okay.

I’ve managed to sell a few more things, including some yarn and some books, and hope to sell more over the next few weeks. I have my car registration coming up in October, and I need to get Yuba neutered, which is going to cost me another hundred bucks or so. Money I don’t typically have just laying around. I also want to get some more piercings, which will cost money too.

Right now, my extra expenses over the next few months are basically $96 car registration, $100 Yuba’s neutering, and whatever it will cost for my next piercings. I’d like a few rings put through my outer labia, a second set of holes in my earlobes, and I kinda want my belly button done but I’m not sure if that can happen because of the scarring I have from two surgeries through my navel. There’s also Bark at the Park in October that I want to take Yuba to, and I would like to have about $30 of spending money for that as well.

I’m working on housebreaking Yuba, which was going really well, but then we got down to one other puppy, and when he was brought inside, everything went to shit. Tonight I’ve got them both in my room and they will both go in the crate tonight and hopefully there won’t be any messes to clean up because in theory they will tell me when they need to go out in the morning and I will rush them outside and treat them for going potty like good puppies.

I don’t really have much else going on right now. Its mostly puppies and puppies and more puppies, and getting holes punched in me. I can’t remember if I posted about it, but a month after I got my nips done, I went back and got a VCH and my septum done too.

Oh! And I finally got the spare room set up as my craft room, so that’s good. I just haven’t done any work in there yet. I started to one day, but it didn’t happen.

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