Sentimental

My cleaning has come to a halt because I’m facing some major sentimentality. I’ve come across a decent sized collection of photography books that were my dad’s  He loved photography. It was a major hobby for him, at least as far back as when I was a tiny little girl.

I’ve gotten rid of so many things over the last few months, and now I’m stuck on these books. I won’t use them – but I can’t seem to load them up in the car either. It’s strange because I’ve never been sentimental about anything. It’s just stuff.

But this is different because this was stuff my daddy was passionate about.

Am I Happy?

Today I was supposed to have group therapy but I was the only one who showed up. Some group… Lol. But because my regular therapist is a facilitator for the group, she did one on one with me today instead of tomorrow and it went amazingly well today.

A lot of weeks I have a really hard time opening up and talking about anything. It’s not that I feel judged or unsafe with her, I just don’t know how to say what I want to say. But today I had something I wanted to talk about right away. That something that happened on Rav made me take a minute to write down all the things I’ve done here at my mom’s since I moved in 11 months ago. And that I’ve really done a lot, and helped my mom a lot and I don’t give myself credit for all the work that I’ve put in.

And I just kept talking for an hour. At one point she asked me how it feels to be the adult in my household. I said I didn’t really mind, things are working pretty smoothly, and it’s a lot easier to parent my mom and her bf than it was to parent my ex.

And then she asked what my long term goals are. I’ve been thinking about them a lot lately.

  • I want to pay off my debt, which will take about 3 years.
  • I want to buy 2 acres of dirt near some power lines (they charge you by distance to run lines into your property)
  • I want to have power brought in and a well dug and a fence put up
  • I want to buy a mobile home for me and my dogs

Then she asked me how I’m going to achieve my first goal. I told her I have an appointment in about 8 weeks with the department of rehab to try to get back into the job force, and I have been selling off or returning things I no longer want or need, as well as selling things in my shop and putting that small income towards my debt. It’s slow, but I’m slowly chipping away at it.

Then she asked me if I’m dating anyone and still seeing my friends. I told her I don’t feel any need to be dating – I’ve never really minded being single, it’s just sex I miss. And I see friends about once a month which is fine because I pretty okay with almost being a hermit. As long as I can reach out and have a conversation across some sort of media, I don’t need to see people often.

That was pretty much the end of our session but I feel really good right now because having a purpose (okay right now my purpose is cleaning and purging my mom’s house) makes me feel complete. It makes me honestly feel happy because I’m doing something positive with my time.

I’m in a good place right now. Dare I say I’m kinda happy?

Gastropods!

After posting a thread querying about Hermit Crabs, which I decided are not for me for a variety of reasons, I decided to plant my tank, and get pretty snails and shrimp. The shrimp are being picked out in a few days, but the snails are thriving! They have plants and algae & zucchini wafers to nosh on.

And Omg! I had no idea they were going to be so much fun!

I have 1 nerite snail and 4 mystery snails (two gold, one blue, one purple) and they’re way more entertaining than I ever would have thought!

Anyone else a fan of these guys?

When I go to pick out my shrimp, I plan on picking up more plants, plus a few pretty female bettas.

I hope you like the videos – they’re so fun!

So Fucking Angry

So you guys have seen pics of Yuba I think, but did you know we still have his brother Tejon? We do. The boys are 6 months old now.

So much has happened in the last week with them and most of it isn’t good. About 15 days ago, Halo, the toy poodle, and Tejon found a hole in the fence and went on walkabout in the desert. We didn’t know until Tejon was crying at the gate and we found Halo down the street. Didn’t think much of it since they seemed unscathed.

Last weekend, Halo got sick. Took him to the vet and surprise! He has parvo despite having had all his shots. A few days later and Tejon has it too. I spent the next few days giving subcutaneous fluids to them both plus meds twice a day. They’ve still got a few days of meds to go.

Yuba hasn’t shown any signs of illness and his vaccines were from a different source – if he’s not ill by next weekend, his vaccines will have done their job.

Anyway, why I’m fucking angry. Mom’s boyfriend decides that while Tejon is sick, and even though he had never been alone before, to lock him up out back. He screamed for 3 days and broke most of his nails and skinned his nose up trying to get out.

This morning at 5am, he did get out and was at the back door trying to get in. This is the doorknob after he finished trying to open it.

He was terrified and alone and so desperate and I cried because he was so scared. 

Anyway, mom’s bf relented and let him back inside. I asked if they still expect to sell him or if I can just find him a home. Apparently I can just find him a home. 

I can’t do anything for 6 weeks because he will still be contagious but I think I found a place to get him neutered for free but I won’t know until I can get in touch with the people doing it. Otherwise neutering and microchip will be about $300. And hopefully Mattie will decide he can take him in. I’ll find out tomorrow. Mattie was an asshole to me but he does love his dogs. 

I wish I could keep him but I can’t afford both of them for a lot longer and he needs a real home. If Mattie can’t take him, I’ll be looking elsewhere but I know his forevermore is out there. 

AVIM, and Other Things

The craft thing at the Antelope Valley Indian Museum was kinda weird this year. Only two artists signed up, including myself, and the evening of, I was the only one to show up.

I did fairly well though and the octopus and owl stuffies I made sold pretty quickly. I didn’t sell all of them, but I did sell several. Kids loved them.

I ended up making I think it was $37 over my table fee which is pretty good for such a small event. I took that $37,and turned it into this :

There’s a pleco in there too somewhere – my mom bought me the fishies today. I’ve named the Oranda Alberta. 🙂

Yuba is still growing –  he and Tejon are unit into ponies. Kinda makes me wonder how big he’s going to get… Lol.

I bought a drop spindle and some fiber so I can learn to spin. I’ve only tried it a little but I think I’ll like it when I get the hang of it.

I haven’t been cleaning much the last week and a half because I killed my back moving a TV but I am trying to track down the parts we need to fix the furnace. The house hasn’t had heat in literally years and it gets freaking cold in winter.

Here’s a quick pic of some stuff.

My little Christmas tree and my super festive eyeball garland! And my super colorful curtains! Ignore the plastic bag and my shoes… Lol.

Still Cleaning

I’m still finding tons of stuff to clean up around the house. I’m finally almost done throwing away my old dresser that fell apart once piece at a time each week into the trash barrel – there’s just one side and the paperboard back left – and then I can start breaking down the tons of cardboard boxes I keep unearthing and throwing them away. I wish I could just throw them all out at once, but we only get one trash barrel so it’s not possible.

I keep finding technology-related stuff too. External DVD drives, multiple hard drives too small to be of much use in the current world (I’ve found like 6 of them), a hard drive enclosure that needs a power cord… And there’s a printer new in box that I think mom bought when she had Windows 8 that was incompatible with the computer then. I need to find cables for the hard drive enclosure and see if it and the drive currently inside it works, and if not, drop it off at the elections recycling place. The same goes for the external DVD drives – I will likely test those on my mom’s computer tonight.

Today my mom brought up if I wanted half ownership of the house and property when she dies. I said yes. I don’t want to stay here unless I built a place in the back, and honestly I would still rather sell my half and find a spot of land somewhere a bit closer to town… But either way, hopefully that’s not for a long time. A really, really long time.

For Thanksgiving, I did the shopping today, and picked up a 14-pound turkey for $9. I also bought stuff to make a blackberry cheesecake Wednesday night, and I’ll make the rolls from scratch the day of. Mom still wants to get a ham, but its just going to be me and her, and we don’t need all the food… Lol. Or maybe we do. I dunno.

Christmas is Coming!

I’ve completely turned into one of those people. Its not even Thanksgiving yet and I’m itching to set up my little Christmas tree, with its tiny little ornaments, fake birds, and big fluffy bow on top. I’m ready to wrap the little crocheted tree skirt around its base, and plug in my single strand of lights after wrapping them around it. And I’m ready to start shopping, and wrapping my gifts to place under it.

I think I’ve got my mom’s Christmas gift figured out. I’m just hoping some of the components will go on sale soon (yes Black Friday / Cyber Monday, I’m looking at you!) and I can save a few bucks because it’s not an inexpensive gift I’m planning.

I had mom write me a check and mailed it off to the Antelope Valley Indian Museum so on December 2nd, I’ll be there selling my makes. I didn’t really make anything new and I actually donated a lot of my stock to thrift but it was stuff I didn’t feel amazing about and would have felt weird about selling.

I’m hoping to bring home $50 and I can put that towards Christmas shopping, but honestly the Antelope Valley Indian Museum is one of the places I like to support anyway so I’m not super concerned with heavy profiting there. I’m just glad to be able to help them out.

Pillows! Oh my! 

I realized that pillows, even down pillows, can be washed in the washer and dryer. Suddenly the giant black trash bag full of pillows that were my dad’s and grandparents’ got really appealing. I love pillows. Like there’s no such thing as too many pillows on my bed. Begin laundering pillows, including the ones I already had. 

I had a body pillow, plus 3 regular ones. That was yesterday. 

Today I have a body pillow, plus 5 regular ones… And I have two more in the washer now. 

I’ve also made matching pillowcases for all my pillows that weren’t already dressed in some shade of wine and I think I have enough fabric left in the right shades to make the pillowcases for the last two pillows when they dry. 

My bed is no longer a bed. It’s a fluffy cloud nest. I fucking love it.

Of course if I ever get around to buying another set of sheets, I’ll have to make more pillowcases. But that’s not going to be for a little while. 

Yes, I Did It Again

I had therapy yesterday, which was tough, but it brought some facts to light I had never really considered before. I love therapy because even if it brings up painful things sometimes, it helps me look at myself and my actions objectively and since I’m really into facts over feelings, it honestly makes me feel better about myself, and I love that. ❤️💛💚💙💜

Today I woke up and I was freezing. It’s not Halloween yet. It shouldn’t be this cold, I thought. And the temp wasn’t that cold – mid-50’s, but there is a cold, hard blowing wind. And my window is open. And the fan was on. I turned the fan off but I’m not quite ready to close the window yet. I’ll live with being chilly a little longer.

I cleaned up after the puppies, let them out to play, and made myself something to eat. I had a nice snuggle with Yuba, who was happy to hog all my blankets and not share them. Then I got a black felt tip pen, a new 18g needle, and went into my bathroom.

Ten minutes later, I had a 3rd hole in each earlobe, though I had to do the left side twice because the first one was too low. There was a lot of blood – it was running down my face and neck – but it stopped pretty quickly. Still, its really hard to hold onto a fiddly earring back and try to push it into place when your fingers and earlobe are slippery with a ridiculous amount of blood from such a tiny pair of holes.

I have a few new pieces of body jewelry coming in the next few days, and one of them is a super cute nose screw, so that’s what I be piercing next. I’m going to order a pair of bucket forceps and try to do my traguses myself too.

Things & Thoughts

I’ve still got quite a few piercings on my wishlist- both tragus, nose, and outer labia for sure, and maybe navel, and another helix. I’ve also decided to just invest in forceps and piercing needles in the appropriate sizes and do most of them myself. I want to do them this way because 1) save money, 2) it’ll be an interesting experience. And with the right tools, I feel like I stand a good chance of actually doing them right. Worst case, I just let them close back up again if they’re not quite right. But anyway, that’s for next month.

I also made a small order for some new jewelry as I had a coupon I couldn’t not use- $5 off and some of the items I wanted were on sale so I basically only paid shipping. I’ve got a few items from Ali Express on their way as well as (hopefully soon!) my Sanchezmas box. I’m super excited for that one!

I started watching Underground a few days ago- something Chris wanted me to watch, and now I’m torn when I watch a few episodes between just enjoying the show, and desperately wanting to talk to him about it. It hurts my heart something fierce and I hate feeling that way. My friend is still gone, and there’s still an empty place in my heart.