Beauty · General

Things I’m Buying

I made a nice sale in my shop, so I was able to put some towards the big things, and I bought a few things I needed as well. Unfortunately, one item will have to be returned because it won’t work out for me. That was a toilet paper roll storage holder that clips onto the side of your toilet tank. Too bad the ceramic of my tank is too thick, and its shaped all wrong to actually use. If my toilet tank was more square, it would be worth bending the hooks and making it work.  It works hanging off of one of the wire racks over my toilet though, so it’s a keeper.

I also realized that spice racks as nail polish shelves are genius! Obviously I need more nail polish, right?

I also ordered a container to store the puppy food in because the stupid mice are eating their way through the bag, helping themselves to as much as they’d like. Right now the puppy food is in one of my plastic file boxes I pulled out of the craft room because the mice wasted no time chewing into the new bag. I hate mice.

I also went back to the piercer to discuss this piercing with her. She doesn’t have the right jewelry in stock to do it so hopefully the right piece will come in next week and we can go ahead. I ended up leaving with an industrial piercing on my left ear, and a helix on my right. Of course I obviously didn’t think it all through because I sleep on my left side mostly, and now I can’t because its so sore, and even more not thought out was getting cartilage piercings on both ears at the same time.

The night before I went to the piercer though, I popped by Psycho City Tattoo and got my WORTHY tattoo done, as well as the star in my chest piece recolored. Bob Ackermann did a great job on both and I couldn’t be happier. 🙂

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General

Things Coming Up

I’ve got some things coming up and I’m kinda overwhelmed by them. As usual, I forgot my car registration is coming due. So that’s $96 in October. And when Yuba turns 4 months old, which is just in a few weeks, he’ll be getting neutered, another $95 + maybe a little more. And there’s little expenses that aren’t my regular ones I need to take care of. I could delay his neutering but I want it done as young as possible so maybe he’ll never start lifting his leg. I hate when boy dogs pee all over everything. And then there’s the $288 I owe Verizon… They’ve been sending me bills on the regular, so that really needs to get paid off too ASAP.

The first weekend in October is Bark at the Park… which I really want to go to with Yuba, but I need to see if he can manage to walk nicely on a least first. We’ve been working on sit and down though with the boys and they already have sit down pretty well. Down is a work in progress but we’ve just started practicing it a few days ago. I have almost 2 months to work on walking on the leash though so I think he’ll be fine. 🙂

I mean one way or another I’ll manage to juggle it all but I’m just like ugh! Everything comes on all at once! I’m honestly thinking of putting it all on a credit card… I hate to do it, because interest, but I could easily pay it off over 3 months and it would all be done with a lot less stress.

 

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General

About Ear Piercings

A week or so ago, I got my earlobes pierced with a second hole. No big deal, right? Well, because I didn’t know any better, I let her use these little disposable cartridge things, basically a replacement for the piercing gun. They were fine for about two days, and then they swelled up a lot and hurt like hell. No heat so no infection but I ended up popping off the way too tight earring backs and replacing them with smaller, soft plastic backs (put on looser) to allow more space for the swelling.

Almost immediately, the swelling started going down and 2 days later, only the right one is a little swollen still. They’re almost back to being pain free again.

I’ve been super happy with my other piercings from this piercer though so I will go back to her, but I’ll be sure to request she does not use the cartridge on any future piercings. I didn’t know any better, and I’m calling this a lesson learned.

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General · Health

Finding Myself Again (Depression is a Mother Fucking Bitch!)

Tonight, after everyone was asleep, I took a shower. And while I was in there, I realized showering is recently a much more complex affair then it was two months ago. I have antibacterial soap to cleanse my numerous new piercings. I have facial cleanser to wash away the day’s makeup. I have body wash for the rest of my skin. I have an expensive tar shampoo to wash my hair and soothe my scalp. And after I get out, I have a fancy, delicious smelling coconut oil conditioner to work into my hair to make it smooth and shiny and soft. And that’s not even counting if I’m shaving – then there’s soap and razors. Maybe baby oil to rub over my skin afterwards.

Makeup. The day’s makeup. I went literally years without a touch of it on my face and now I’m wearing it almost every day because I feel beautiful with it on. My new piercings. 6 total in the last ten weeks because they make me feel pretty with more planned.

I’ve purchased jewelry that I’m actually wearing. I signed up for Ipsy. I bought nail polish twice in recent weeks and I’ve done my nails 3 times in the last week. My hair is currently in curling rods in the hopes of having fabulous cascading curls tomorrow when I wake up.

My next body mod will be a small tattoo that will be a reminder that I have value and I am worthy of so many things – love, good health, friendship, family, good things in my life. This is a thing I have a problem with and I often forget but I’m working on it with my therapist and all these things above are signs of progress. I feel good about myself for the first time in at least 6 years. I feel WORTHY of self – care for the first time in longer than I can remember.

Depression is a mother fucking bitch. You lose track of what’s important (yourself) and you stop believing in your WORTH. Even with medication, my environment was still a big determiner of how I felt about myself. Getting away from my ex was the best thing I could have done for myself and I only regret not doing it sooner.

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General · Health

I’m Okay

Things have cooled off and I feel like I’m in a much better place emotionally/mentally. I feel calmer, more in control, and less… well, crazy. This is good. I’m okay.

I’ve managed to sell a few more things, including some yarn and some books, and hope to sell more over the next few weeks. I have my car registration coming up in October, and I need to get Yuba neutered, which is going to cost me another hundred bucks or so. Money I don’t typically have just laying around. I also want to get some more piercings, which will cost money too.

Right now, my extra expenses over the next few months are basically $96 car registration, $100 Yuba’s neutering, and whatever it will cost for my next piercings. I’d like a few rings put through my outer labia, a second set of holes in my earlobes, and I kinda want my belly button done but I’m not sure if that can happen because of the scarring I have from two surgeries through my navel. There’s also Bark at the Park in October that I want to take Yuba to, and I would like to have about $30 of spending money for that as well.

I’m working on housebreaking Yuba, which was going really well, but then we got down to one other puppy, and when he was brought inside, everything went to shit. Tonight I’ve got them both in my room and they will both go in the crate tonight and hopefully there won’t be any messes to clean up because in theory they will tell me when they need to go out in the morning and I will rush them outside and treat them for going potty like good puppies.

I don’t really have much else going on right now. Its mostly puppies and puppies and more puppies, and getting holes punched in me. I can’t remember if I posted about it, but a month after I got my nips done, I went back and got a VCH and my septum done too.

Oh! And I finally got the spare room set up as my craft room, so that’s good. I just haven’t done any work in there yet. I started to one day, but it didn’t happen.

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General

Fuck Me…

I’m literally lying in bed trying not to throw up. I’ve already vomited four times this evening, of course right after I took my evening meds. My anxiety levels are through the roof because there was a big “this changes everything” moment this afternoon and my brain, my stupid girl brain, is freaking out. I saw my therapist today but I still haven’t told her everything about this situation because I feel guilty about it. I know when I do tell her, and I will, she’s going to ask me to tell her why I felt guilty.

The person I’ve been been casually seeing since Mattie and I broke up, his (negligent, absent) wife finally agreed to a divorce. And at the same time, my feelings are changing in a way I’ve seen before. Several times over the last 15 years that we’ve known each other, we’ve come together and I always end up with feelings towards  him. But the other times I backed off, kept it light, and made sure nothing came of it because I didn’t want to be tied to anyone.

But now it’s different and the news of his wife’s decision tells me something will change, but it could go so many ways and I hate the not knowing. My anxiety is ramped up because I like to tackle things head-on, as soon as they arise, and I can’t do that now. I have to wait and see what happens, continue to be a supportive friend (because he is my friend and a good friend) and not drop my crap on him right now because Holy mother of Batman this is the worst possible timing for a case of the feels.

But fuck me. This is hard and I’m equally fucked up about his emotional state right now as I am my own. I feel unstable. I feel unsure. I feel afraid and worried. And even though I’m an emotional hot mess all of a sudden, I still want to mother hen the crap out of him to make him feel better.

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General

Holes, Puppies, & Dates!

So my last post was about a month ago when I got my nipples pierced. I’m happy to say they are healing up nicely and I was so pleased with how not OMG awful the experience was, that this last Tuesday, I went back to the piercer and got my septum and VCH done.

Yeah, I went with the little pink rhinestone clicker, and I ordered another one with a big(ish) bright pink simulated opal on it.

No photo of the VCH, but I can assure you it looks super cute!

Wednesday I met with my therapist and she asked if I would like to meet more often- weekly instead of monthly. I said yes because I feel like I really benefit from seeing her.

After that, I took myself on a solo lunch date to my favorite Mexican place, my first time going there without Mattie. The waiter asked if he should say he’s sorry or congratulate me on my break-up- I said congratulate me. I had a really nice meal, and I got to eat as many of the chips and salsa as I wanted. 🙂

I don’t think I mentioned my mom’s dog had a little of puppies 5 weeks ago. The puppies are 3/4 German Shepherd and 1/4 Belgian Malinois. I’ve spent the last 2 weeks telling myself I do not need a puppy. There are 9 of them.

Anyway, this guy!

This is Yuba, and he’s mine. He’s got a pretty blue collar on, and I’ve ordered him a tag with his name and my phone number and I’m so excited. I’m gonna have a dog again! He’s the lightest colored pup in the litter, and he’s the smallest boy, and so far the calmest. His mama is overly cautious and not terribly friendly, and the father is not any better. I’m planning to leave him with his siblings for a few more weeks and then start crate training. Once his puppy shots are finished, he’ll start going places with me to gain more socialization and hopefully more confidence.

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General

I Did It! 

I woke up Thursday and I was excited. I was going to call Adam, the piercer I was going to use, make an appointment, and get my nipples pierced.

But I wasn’t able to reach Adam so I called the shop. They told me he was out of the country until the 9th. Annoying because he never mentioned this to me when we were supposedly making plans to pierce me.

I ended up calling around and going to the piercer at Hottie Body instead. Stephanie was fast, gentle, and professional.

She had me lie down on the table and pull my shirt and bra up. Then as she prepped me, she told me everything she was doing. I was so nervous I was literally kind of numb.

She cleaned my nipple, and told me to take a deep breath. Right as I was about to exhale, she did the piercing, and slipped in the bar. I yelled “shit fuck ow!” but then it was over.

She moved around to my other side, repeated the process, and it was done before I could really process it. I was more prepared for the pain the second time, so I just kind of whimpered “owie” on that one.

But it’s done and today, I’m sore, but its not awful. And the whole thing was actually less painful than I was expecting it to be.

Now I just have to wait for them to heal.

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Today Was…

…supposed to be the day I got my nipples pierced. I’ve been psyching myself up to it for almost a week, and was ready to do it. My mom had a Dr’s appointment this afternoon though, and I drove her into town and dropped her off at it. Then I got a text from my piercer, saying he was not at the shop yet, but UPS hadn’t delivered my bars- this is a problem because I wanted titanium¹, and the shop doesn’t typically stock those.

I hung out in town for a while though, and then ended up at Petsmart, where I bought myself a betta fish (his name is Bill) and a little tank to stick him in for now. After I got home, I felt bad for Bill in his tiny home, and ordered him a much bigger (but still small) tank which should arrive on Thursday. ANd hopefully on Thursday I can actually get my nipples pierced.

¹I wanted titanium because I have a severe nickel allergy, which means no sterling silver, no surgical steel, none of the cheaper jewelry metals because they’re all tainted. I can wear gold, which I hate, niobium, and I’m guessing titanium as long as its implant grade. 
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