Health

Self Care & A Long Weekend

I’m feeling a bit more rested at this point after the weekend. I spent 18 hours over 3 afternoons and evenings making small talk with strangers, answering questions and assuring every single person who approached my table that I did indeed make every single thing on both of my tables. Some people wanted to know the mechanics of how certain items were made too so that was less tedious and kinda fun to talk about.

The first day I brought in a whole $19 which was basically gas money to get there and back twice.

The second day I made enough combined with the first day to cover my transportation costs for the weekend, the $30 space fee, and enough to cover the cost of materials for what I sold plus about $8 for myself. Not great but it meant that anything I brought in on Sunday would actually be profit.

Sunday was my best day. I made a couple good sales, including a baby blanket for $35 at the end of the night. I probably could have made a few more sales but I was so exhausted by then I packed up a few minutes early and drove home.

Sunday night in a kik chat I was lamenting my inability to get a good haircut and a couple guys recommended my going to a black barber. Figured what the hell so Monday morning I went to a black barbershop, had my first actually enjoyable haircut experience, and left looking fabulous.

After that I grabbed some lunch where a random guy asked if I was “down with the crystal” b was bizarre because I’m so not the type to do let alone sell drugs. Ugh.

After that I found a tattoo shop who’s piercer was in and had my left nipple repierced. It was so weird. When I had them done the first time it was super painful and they stayed super painful for weeks. This time it was just a quick pain and it was over. There’s just a tiny dull ache now but ibuprofen is keeping it and the swelling down.

Tomorrow I need to finish unloading my car and put everything away from the weekend.

My Body Is Tired

I’ve been tracking my steps and the flights of stairs I climb since I started school. My steps are up about 300% but still nothing to brag about. I climb 2 flights of stairs in Tuesdays and 5 flights on Thursdays.

I did a short yoga routine earlier this week.

I did a 3 day event as a vendor this weekend, most of that time being perched on my piano bench.

My core hurts. I’m tired. I’m going to bed.

Post Pussy Piercing Peering Anxiety

It’s been about 4 years since I have had a PAP smear test done. And in the meantime I’ve gotten quite a few body mods, including 4 genital piercings.

I was finally scheduled for a PAP but then I started having all the anxieties. I love all my mods but I always feel extra self conscious about my doctors seeing them.

Yesterday I arrived at my appointment, was ushered into the exam room, and got undressed. The nurse came in, plus another lady, who introduced herself as an intern working under the nurse and that she would be doing my exam.

She didn’t even bat an eye at my downstairs decor. All that worry for nothing.

Now I just have to wait for my results, which I fully expect to be in the realm of normal.

Panic Dream

Two nights in a row, I’ve woken up from the same dream with a panic attack.

Basically, I was living on the streets, well, on an abandoned barge, and everyone was turning against me. I started plotting to get back at some of the people hurting me, and this sea captain helped me start a chain of catastrophic events, then rescued me. I had the clothes on my back. I was dirty and messy.

Turns out his ship could fucking fly and then we rode it across these roller coaster rails to a fantastic land where other humans didn’t exist. He was king of this land, and the people were a little different. Slightly feline looking, and covered in short fur but basically human in form.

The king adopted me as one of his daughters and sent me to have dresses made and get cleaned up and be made presentable.

I had an immediate attraction to the tailor who would be making my gowns and he stepped in to help me with my transition into their society. We spent all our time together. We fell in love. But elements of my real waking life were there too.

I was still the same weight. And when it came up that while a pregnancy could occur between our two species, it would be detrimental to the female, I said it was okay because I had already been spayed.

We traveled together between their planet and mine, visiting different cities around the world, doing silly things, learning about each other’s culture. We had fun.

But I was worried about really fitting in here. I didn’t fit in on my old life and people abused and hurt me. I wondered if that would just happen here in my new home too.

I’m not sure why this dream, which continued over two nights, was so triggering for me to cause panic attacks. I haven’t had one in a long time. It’s not a fun thing to wake up from. Heat racing, can’t breathe, your body feels out of control.

Thankfully I’ve had enough of them that I go through a mental checklist automatically. Can I breathe normally? Am I actually trying? Am I in physical danger? Am I in a safe place? Is there anything I can realistically do for myself to help this pass quickly?

By the time I get halfway through that I’m usually good. Last night I was barely awake and shaking so hard I almost started crying. But I rolled over, took a klonopin, adjusted my blankets, and breathed slowly and deliberately until I fell back asleep.

Tonight I was awakened too far for that to help so I got up and peed and watched an episode of South Park.

I don’t know if this anxiety is tied in to the date or something else. The 21st is the 9th anniversary of my Daddy’s death.

Hypo-Brain

I’m pretty sure I’m in the middle of a hypomanic thing right now. The last few nights time has really gotten away from me, I’ve stayed up way too late, slept way too late, and have been happily cleaning and cooking.

Thursday I started picking up trash to get rid of, and took I think two bags full out to the barrel. I collected some things for donation, and I selected more dvds to be sold or later donated. I made chicken thighs cooked in olive oil and balsamic vinegar, rice that was cooked in the droppings, and a small salad for my mom and I.

Friday I did more cleaning, and made chef’s salads for us for dinner. I fought the urge to bake bread at midnight. I took the playpen, and other chick brooder accoutrements outside to clean the space back up in my craft room.

Today I’ve swept the craft room, wiped the dust and dirt from my sewing machine and table, wiped the dust off of my bass, guitar & djembe (poor neglected things), and started straightening out the desk. I made potato soup for us for dinner and we both had seconds. Yum! I took some more donations out to my car too.

I still plan to put some jewelry away and put my laundry away tonight and maybe do some other small cleaning tasks.