Health

Freaking Out

Saturday I got a notice that my disability was being cancelled. I called them and not only are my payments being stopped, but my insurance is being cancelled as well. Why? Because my gynecologist says I’m not disabled. Read that again. My gynecologist says I am not disabled. I had no idea she was a qualified judge of my mental health, or that bipolar disorder and anxiety just vanish one day out of the blue.

I’m going to appeal the decision of course, but until then, this is what I’m looking at.

No insurance means no meds.

No meds means I absolutely cannot work and I will lose pretty much all functionality I have now.

If I can’t work, I definitely can’t afford to pay to get insurance to get my meds. So again, no meds.

With no meds, no functionality, I’ll be reapplying for disability again because I will be unfit for work.

I literally can’t even right now because this is such a fucking clusterfuck.

I can likely still be seen by my psych doctor without income but getting meds is super iffy. And while I would love to work, support myself, and pay my bills like most other people, I can’t even get through a jury duty summons without having panic attacks at the prospect of having to be around strangers for several days running.

I’m high functioning now because I avoid all the things that trigger me and cause me issues. I am med compliant. I do everything I can to make things easier on myself.

But being cut off from my meds and losing my disability status takes all those coping mechanisms away from me and leaves me with nothing but my mental illness.

Leave a Reply