It’s been about 4 years since I have had a PAP smear test done. And in the meantime I’ve gotten quite a few body mods, including 4 genital piercings.
I was finally scheduled for a PAP but then I started having all the anxieties. I love all my mods but I always feel extra self conscious about my doctors seeing them.
Yesterday I arrived at my appointment, was ushered into the exam room, and got undressed. The nurse came in, plus another lady, who introduced herself as an intern working under the nurse and that she would be doing my exam.
She didn’t even bat an eye at my downstairs decor. All that worry for nothing.
Now I just have to wait for my results, which I fully expect to be in the realm of normal.
I woke up today starving but I couldn’t eat because I needed to go do fasting blood work for labs at my new Dr’s. I’m thinking okay, go in, a quick stick, and I can eat, do whatever else, and go home.
I had to wait over an hour before they called me in. Then I see they don’t have a dedicated person to draw blood. This won’t be good. I tell her I’m a hard stick, my veins are tiny, deep, and they hide.
She sticks me in the crook of my left elbow after I tell her that’s my good arm. No blood. She sticks me in the middle of my left forearm. No blood.
She questions if she should try again. I tell her I didn’t starve for nothing and I’m not leaving until she gets her samples.
She looks at my right arm, and spies a vein in my right hand. She sticks it…. And blood drips one drop at a time into the tube.
Ten minutes later, she has less than an inch of blood in each of three tubes. She hands me a cup to pee in. I had to the bathroom, pee in the cup, and apologize for being a hard stick. She apologizes for sticking me three times… Lol.
I had to McDonald’s to grab something to eat. Had over to Michael’s to get the floss colors I still need for my project. Bought washi tape I didn’t realize I already had.
Went to Walmart and bought a 6″ box to ship stuff in. Should have gotten 2 of them but I didn’t realize other stuff that won’t fit in padded mailers was going to sell today after I got home.
Went to Petsmart. After much deliberation I chose three male guppies which I intended to put in my vacant 5.5 gallon tank.
Got home with the guppies. Floated them on the tank. Water starts pooling around the tank. It’s not overflow. Shit. Tank is leaking. Bail water into the sink until tank is half empty. Carry tank to the bathroom and sit it in the bathtub.
Float bag with guppies in Lola’s tank. Lola is angry about the intruders. When I release the guppies into the tank, she starts hunting them.
If she’s not settled down by tomorrow, I’ll be picking up a 20 long to set up to replace all 3 small tanks and create a new space with no established territories.
I told Lola to stop being so angry but she’s not listening.
Where to begin? Sunday night mom suddenly got really dizzy and was throwing up. Rafael took her to urgent care and they sent her to the ER. Turns out she had a fucking aneurysm. She spent a few days in the hospital, and was released Tuesday evening after the bleed stopped on its own.
Tuesday afternoon I went to ukulele club. I played a little and sang a bit but with everything with mom, my heart wasn’t totally in it.
I rescheduled my bass lesson this week for next week because I haven’t had time to practice.
Star, mom’s big dog in the house, had 12 puppies last night. Her first litter. Don’t get me started on the whole spay and neuter thing – if they were my dogs, it would have happened a long time ago. I don’t believe in breeding. One of the puppies was dead, but 11 is still a big litter.
Next Tuesday I have an appointment with the piercer at Psycho City to get my nipples done. It’s kind of a bucket list thing, though I’m really nervous about it – piercings freak me out just thinking about them, but I’m feeling brave right now.
Just for fun rock I wouldn’t be upset if she said yes, I asked my mom to go with me. It’s pretty freaking funny.
This morning I was up super early (it was still dark out- blergh!) and had to take FIL to two Dr’s appointments. That was easy enough though I really wanted to stay home and snuggle with Sashi, and then he asked that we drive over to Palmdale for Tommy’s… Home of the Cat Food Pate’ Chili everything. I ordered my burger “no chili,” thanks. He gave me a few bucks for gas and I dropped him off and went home.
Dinner tonight was a big pot of chili. My second time making edible chili, and I made a few changes to the recipe. I added a shredded bell pepper and a bunch of Tapatio. It was better, but I think next time I will add some fresh chopped tomatoes, more cumin, and maybe some different kinds of beans to mix it up a bit more. It was good though, better than last time, and we’ll be eating the leftovers tomorrow over Fritos.
I was supposed to have a violin lesson today too but she cancelled last minute and rescheduled for Friday. My bass lesson is Friday too, so apparently it will be a day for music. Last night I went to uke club and took my concert uke, which I played some but mostly I just sang. It was just what I wanted to do. 🙂
Very little knitting got done today.
I’ve had another violin lesson with the lovely Faustina, and I still love it. Its challenging, but in a good way. My next (3rd) lesson is this Friday and while I’m struggling with my C note (2nd finger, 3rd string), otherwise I’m doing okay. I really should devote a little more time to practicing though. An extra half hour a wek would really make a difference, and that’s really only 5 minutes more a day if I practice 6 days a week.
My guitar I bought that I shared with you previously has been rehabbed, though I did have to rig up a fix for one of its issues. I replaced the tuning heads, the nut, the saddle, and the strings and bridge pins, but discovered after it was strung that there’s something not right with where the nut sits, and my strings were all touching the first fret. I poured, cured, and trimmed a small bit of clear resin to pad under the nut to raise it just a bit to keep the strings of the first fret. I also discovered after all of that (time, effort, money) that the neck is cracked. But it seems to be straight on the front side and playable so I will ignore it until it either gets worse or actually breaks. I’m doing the beginner’s group lesson at Guitar Center on the 17th. It will be a busy day as I will be doing that in the morning, we’ll be taking my FIL shopping after that, and then most likely going to a party in Palmdale.
My FIL has had a knack for scheduling his appointments at the only times I am actually busy, so I made and printed out calendars for him that show all the times I am not available… and he still manages to schedule things for the wrong days and times. *sigh* He scheduled one for this Friday right before my violin lesson…. there’s no way we will have time to get to his Dr’s appointment, then go out to eat, drive him home, drive back to Lancaster, and get to my lesson before 4pm, so I said we will have to go eat before the Dr’s appointment. I know he doesn’t want to get up that early but I did say noon or before 1pm when he was scheduling it and of course he scheduled it for 1pm.
When I go to my next Dr’s appointment I am asking to be taken off of the Trileptal. I don’t feel like it did anything to curb my mild mania, and honestly, I don’t want to take something that seems to do nothing for me. I closed my last credit card down so its going to take a lot of effort for me to do any crazy spending now, and really that’s all I do now if I’m somewhat manic.
I finished this blanket this morning- it was supposed to only be a baby blanket between 36″ and 42″ wide but nope. Once again my color plan took over and it grew and grew. It would be great over a couch or on a twin sized bed. I had to buy another skein of the red to finish it because I literally ran out with 15″ to go before it was done. Ugh. Oh well. At least its a nice red.
We are trying to eat a bit better and I stocked up on fruits and veggies this last shopping trip. There will be no excuses for eating like crap. When I bought all the groceries yesterday, the cashier rang up almost all of my fruits and vegetables wrong, but it ended up being to my benefit and I really didn’t feel like correcting her with almost every produce item she typed in.
Tuesday I had an appointment with my psych doctor, where we discussed I feel fucking fantastic, but strongly suspect I am somewhat manic due to the condition of my one credit card account. Its fairly hemorrhaging money, and spending money is something I do when I’m manic. He suggested trying me on a low dose of Trileptol along with my other meds (Geodon and Zoloft) to see if it balances me out. The mania started around the same time as the Zoloft did. Ugh.
Part of me is like “Just go back on Wellbutrin! You were stable then!” but I had so many side effects from it which is why I went off of it. I really hope this works though, because I am getting tired of making changes and trying to find the magical “this works”.
Last night I decided to very carefully make some adjustments to my DIY kit ukulele and try to tune up the set-up a bit and make it play better. I carefully removed the nut and the saddle and sanded them both down (from the bottom) and reinstalled them. I also gently removed the neck from the body and reglued it, and made it sit a little flatter, and the same thing with the bridge. It seems to play better now, though I realized I actually installed the bridge in not quite the right spot, which means my intonation is a bit off. I didn’t realize when I put it together that the location of the bridge was that important. Eventually I might see about measuring that out (maybe when I change my strings?) and placing at a more optimal position.
Today is mine and Mattie’s 7th anniversary. 7 years with this guy and we’re both still alive! LOL Sashi will be 6 in a few weeks. We got her when we had been together about a year, but I still can’t believe she’s a middle-aged dog now. I have a small gift I made Mattie, and he’s cooking me dinner tonight- chicken, steak, cole slaw, wine. Hopefully the wine doesn’t mix badly with my new medication.
Several months ago I started the process to get a tubal ligation. Once I found out the process, it turned out to be easier than I expected. My first stop was Planned Parenthood. They did the mandatory 30 minute counseling session with me to make sure I understood that sterilization is permanent and that I really did not want kids. That part was super easy.
Then I went to my primary doctor and requested a referral to a gynecologist. There was some hold up there with my insurance until I requested my medical records from Planned Parenthood and had my primary doctor send in the proof of the counseling session.
The next hold up was 3 times I was referred to the wrong kind of doctor. I finally got my referral to a gynecologist and she did an exam and asked me a lot of questions. When she heard that there is mental illness on both sides of my relationship, she agreed that that alone was an excellent reason to give me the go ahead. I wasn’t going to judge her idea of a good reason to sterilize me; I was just glad that she agreed to do it.
The next few weeks were filled with driving all over the place (did I mention the doctor I was referred to was an hour’s drive away from me?) to pick things up, have tests run, and in general drive me batty. I was thankfully able to do my EKG and bloodwork where I live, but had to drive down below to get my chest x-ray.
That was a week ago. Yesterday I went in for the actual surgery at Valley Presbyterian Hospital in Van Nuys. It felt like I was waiting in holding for hours, but once they put me under, I blinked and it was done. I freaked out a little when I woke up in recovery because for a few minutes I couldn’t really move and I couldn’t do more than just moan and whimper. I think they paralytic they give you for surgery was still in me a bit. When I could move better and actually talk, I spent 15 minutes cracking what could only be truly awful jokes because no one laughed. I’m so glad no one was there to record that.
The surgery itself went great. No problems, and just two tiny incisions. One in my bellybutton and one right above my pubic area. When we left the hospital, our first stop was to go to Arby’s. I was starving after my fast (the day before I was only allowed clear liquids and jello) and a turkey sandwich never tasted so good!
We stopped by the pharmacy, but I ended up not getting my pain med Rxs filled because the doctor wrote them on the same sheet, and Norco is nearly impossible to get here, and when the Rxs are written like that they have to fill both of them at the same time. Instead I just bought menstrual pads and a bottle of ibuprofen. The menstrual pads were because apparently after this surgery you bleed from your vagina and there is a big “don’t put things in your vagina” warning on the printout for after care… LOL. After that we were on our way home.
After we were home I kinda felt like I got kicked in the stomach by a horse, which is pretty much how bad menstrual cramps can feel. I was tired too, but not tired enough to actually sleep. Mattie and I stayed up kinda late watching TV on Hulu and then went to bed. At first I couldn’t get comfortable but then I knocked out pretty quickly.
This morning I woke up and I felt like I had a brutal workout at the gym yesterday and did about a thousand sit-ups. I took 600mg of ibuprofen and after about an hour felt quite a bit better. I’m still sore of course and I feel like an old lady, but its honestly not that bad and I wouldn’t die if I didn’t have anything for pain.
I’m super relieved that I did it. I’m glad I won’t have to worry about an accidental pregnancy. And as someone I follow on Instagram said, “Welcome to Sterile Club!” LOL I did however have a few naysayers along the way. I had a few private messages from friends when I talked about wanting this done on Facebook saying I was too young and I didn’t know what I was doing. I’m 35 years old people. I’ve never wanted kids. And one of the surgical nurses insisted I would be back in a few years to have it reversed, or that I could always rent a womb, or do in vitro fertilization. She also questioned me if my boyfriend was really on board with this. On the other hand, when I saw my new psych doctor the day before my surgery, he applauded me for making a conscious decision to prevent unwanted pregnancies when so many people who shouldn’t have kids just keep popping out babies.
But its done, and I’m glad. Now to just recover and get back to normal! I’m planning on doing some knitting during my downtime. 🙂
It has come (rather rudely) to my attention that I really should not have gone off of my anti-depressants a year or so ago and that I have been slowly spiraling downwards since. I spent about half of the week following my return home from Washington on the edge of a major meltdown and I’ve spent the past few days calling Mental Health twice daily until they could move my appointment up to sometime this month. I haven’t been knitting, crocheting, or playing with clay. I just can’t make myself care about any of it right now. Tracy said she knew something was wrong when I stopped playing with my clay. She’s likely right that that was the first serious part of the decline. But that’s the thing about depression. You don’t always know when its happening until you’re so low you can;t see over the top of the pit any more. All of a sudden you realize you’re buried in this big deep hole with no daylight left in sight. The only good thing about having been here before is I know there is daylight beyond the rim and I know how and where to get help for it.
On a happier note, this is the yarn I ordered while on a great sale from Michael’s online.
Its a completely crappy phone picture, but you can see the gorgeous jewel tones of the colors. Why so much? Because when you buy from the Michael’s website, you have to buy in warehouse inner pack quantities. In the case of most of the yarns, that’s 3 skeins, but some are different.
Then as if I didn’t have enough new yarn, my mom got me this mess for my birthday via one of the warehouse’s employee only sales.
That’s 9 coordinating skeins of Bernat Mega Bulky, and three Big skeins of Loops & Threads Impeccable. I’ve got 2 other skeins of Mega Bulky already in my stash that will go with these colors, so I’m thinking its blanket time! There’s also 2 containers of air dry clay plus a slushie machine, all of which she got for about $20. 🙂
This though, BTW, is not a good Ben & Jerry’s flavor. The ice cream itself is alright but the caramel core is so salty its like brine. I might actually throw the rest of this pint in the trash and call it a loss.
On the 15th I have an appointment in Panarama City for my consultation about getting a tubal ligation. I’m not looking forward to the drive down there, and I hope I don’t have to pay for parking, but if all goes well it puts me one step closer to making sure I stay child-free! Yay! And yes, I know its permanent, and yes I’ve thought about it a lot. For about 20 years to be exact. If I could have had this done at 20 easily I would have.