Critters!

I had another really weird dream.

I was with friends (my high school friend’s older sister Anna? A blonde woman?) and we took a road trip to visit some of her friends way out in the middle of nowhere.

There was this guy who wouldn’t wear clothes except underwear and he had some mental things going on. He hated being touched too but like he liked me enough to snuggle me. So we were snuggling for like 3 days and nights, nonstop.

Anna and the blonde woman had dropped me off there and left, but eventually Anna and the other girl came back and they were teasing him about having needs and then we all four left in the car.

But then it started storming and all of a sudden a portal opened and all this blackness liquid evil came pouring out along with huge monsters that were swallowing up everything. They looked like the things from the movie Critters, and were big enough to swallow a bus whole.

We were lucky enough to float to relative safety in our car, and then I woke up.

Family Christmas

Woohoo! So many weird dreams this last couple weeks!

I was at an extended family Christmas celebration. It was me, all my aunts, uncles, cousins… And my friend D. I don’t know if we were together & that’s why he was there, but he was part of the family.

We had a meal, and I was doing the dishes afterwards when it was suddenly time fur Star Wars hide and seek. And we were in a huge mansion so so many places to hide! We were all in costume.

Eventually we all got caught and we returned to the living room, where we all had some red wine and sang Christmas songs together. D was ensconced on a couch surrounded by my family’s children and looked super happy.

The whole dream wasn’t too weird but it felt absolutely surreal.

Night with the Living Dead

Another crazy dream this week, folks!

This time, my dead friend Chris just showed up at my house in the middle of the night. Not even a phone call first. I was shocked but invited him in even though I wasn’t allowed to have guests.

He had lost a ton of weight while “dead” and while I still recognized him, he was like another person.

We ended up having sex… But I could barely feel him even though he was pretty big. And he didn’t know how to kiss – he was a drooler. There’s nothing worse than a drooler!

My mom kept walking in on us acting disgusted and then she started parading random people through the bedroom too. Most of them were Rafael’s extended family and they all wanted to shake hands.

We eventually finished having sex and he made all these weird mechanical spurting noises when he finished, like he was a machine. It was bizarre.

Then I woke up.

Nap Time Dreamin’

I took a nap this afternoon. I had a dream that I was friends with Shaq’s maid and went to his house with her.

Shaq and I immediately hit it off. Suddenly we’re dating. But Omg. His house was custom everything…. For his height. I couldn’t even get myself a glass of water because I couldn’t reach anything. Made me mad in my dream because his big dumb house rendered me helpless…😂.

Chris Hemsworth

Crazy dream time, guys!

I was on this huge mall planet on a vacation with my mom for 2 weeks. But 2 weeks anywhere can get boring, and a giant mall planet definitely can. I got 4 new tattoos. I knew everyone. I was ready to redecorate the camp bathroom. I finally ditched my cell phone and ran off with a bored couple (woman and man) for some consentual non-consent play, abduction play, paired with shoplifting, a road trip and some wild sci-fi twists I don’t really remember.

Then I was literally grabbed out of the back of the van by alien gods who were going to kill me. They failed the first time so now they were gonna do it for real. I was terrified.

Then Thor. Motherfucking glorious beautiful Thor dropped out of the heavens and fucking saved me. It was all a plan to surprise me for my birthday. Chris Hemsworth then stripped out of his Thor costume and we went jogging and then swimming and then I woke up.

I’ve never been so disappointed to wake up. He was amazing. And gorgeous. And nice. So fucking nice. Omg.

Crazy Dating Dream

I had the weirdest dream.

I was asked out on a date by Chris (no one I know in real life but that was his name) and I said yes. But my mom only allowed me so many points per day to spend how I liked, so I had to decide all the way down to how much kissing if things went well. I got it figured out though and was ready to do this thing. My mom informed me if we wanted to make out it had to be in the light by Tiffany’s car. Who is Tiffany? Why do we have her car?

Anyway, then I got word this other guy (too much money, spoiled, demanding, no social skills) was going to ask me out. Obviously I was going to say no.

I was sitting on a public lawn on the Blvd in a spinning rolly chair when he approached. He demanded I come closer. I refused. He demanded someone bring me closer and even offered them $100. They refused.

Eventually he drags me in my rolly chair onto the street and there’s a slight hill. I give myself a little push and start rolling down the hill. He runs to keep up, trying not to spill his precious glass of brandy.

He’s angry and getting angrier. I’m laughing. Eventually he catches hold of my chair and demands I go out with him. I laugh in his face and tell him no and why. He gets so angry he vomits all over me. I punch him in the nose and head into the gay bar we’ve ended up in front of to use the bathroom to clean myself up.

I realize while in the bathroom that I’m having a hard time standing still. I look down and I’m wearing roller skate. There’s a full flight of stairs going down from the corner of the bathroom and I sit down on them to change into regular shoes. I’m a bit cleaner but I’m worried because I can’t go home to change and my date with Chris is in a few hours.

Second Coming of Christ

Oh sweet Cthulhu don’t let this be me!

I fell asleep super early tonight (and without the help of meds) and had a crazy dream that I was the second coming of Christ. Everyone found out because I guess I wrote a song or poem or who fucking knows what that told everyone just who I was.

And this church full of crazies wanted to get hold of me and crucify me. I obviously wanted none of this, so I escaped. Multiple times. In weirder and weirder ways. I stabbed someone to death with my brand new Gingher sewing shears (Omg I would never! Those blades are sacred!) and at one point a church defector who could fucking fly helped me get away.

Then an older guy gave me the mini tool kit and his souped up, all terrain, amphibious lawn mower and I jumped on, hauling ass across the county. Did I mention this thing could also fly?

I had just stolen a set of earrings (a girl has to look her best when running for her life!) from a fish farm when I peed myself in my dream because there’s no time for potty breaks.

Believe you me I woke up fast afraid I had actually peed the bed. Whew! Nope! But I got up and peed and took my meds anyway.

Another Dream

I had the weirdest dream. I was at a huge 3 story mall and I had returned something and got $26 back. A $20, a $5, and a $1.

I was walking the mall, and this guy in bad drag picked my pocket and kept pretending to give me back my money but it was all obvious fakes. $3 bills and stuff.

Somehow I knew he was really a fish and I got him to change back to his fish form so I put him in a baggie and took him to the mall cops. He was a danio. But he died in the bag before it was my turn (I had to wait in line until they called my number) and they could make him give my money back.

The mall cop gave me $26 after writing up so crazy report that the pet store overcharged me by that much and a refund was owed, and then I got in my car and drove home.

Terrible Dream

The other day, I woke up and almost called 911 for myself. I literally had to talk myself down and convince myself what I thought happened was just a dream and it wasn’t real.

In my dream, I woke up, took the entire bottle of klonopin that’s next to my bed with my other meds, passed out, and couldn’t wake up. Then when I did wake up in real life, I was convinced I had actually tried to kill myself and needed to call for help immediately.

The zoloft I take gives me crazy, vivid dreams. Like they’re insanely real feeling, and sometimes I have a lot of difficulty telling what was a dream and what wasn’t. But this is the first time the zoloft has given me a scary dream. I don’t want to do that again.

Dream Bass

Christmas afternoon, I took a nap, because Christmas is exciting and I stayed up too late and woke up too early, and I had a dream that was so real, I thought it actually happened when I woke up.

When I was dreaming, I opened my closet and found my dream bass leaning up against the wall. It looked a lot like a B. C. Rich stealth, and it was black, and I was super excited. And I could play! 

When I woke up I actually looked for it, before realizing that oh yeah, I can’t play for shit – definitely a dream. And the bass a really want is a white Warlock or even a Mockingbird. It has to be white. 

So weird random dream, but cool because it was pleasant and pretty normal overall. 🙂