family

Holidays on the Homestead

So tonight was the annual Holidays in the Homestead at the Antelope Valley Indian Museum. I’ve participated as a vendor I think 4 years in a row now, including one year when I was the only vendor who showed up. That was an interesting but pretty profitable night .. Lol.

Tonight there a a good turnout with 5 vendors and a pretty good turnout of guests. I was really apprehensive about the stock I was bringing because I was going to be focused on things that were new to me  and steering away from jewelry. Turns out that was a good move because 80% of the other vendors’ offerings were jewelry.

I took several small finished cross stitch designs (3 sold), stuffed toys (I sold 2 or 3 I can’t remember), crocheted flower hair clips (sold 4 pair), cotton face scrubbies (sold 4 or 5 I think), Halloween magnets (I sold most of the bats), $1 bracelets (sold 2), and shockingly I sold 2 of my 3 paintings. I didn’t sell any earrings.

The stuffed toys I sold pretty cheaply because I’m running out of room to store them. I let the paintings go inexpensively as well simply because they were quick and inexpensive to make.

I ended up making $85 over the cost of my table, so it was a pretty successful night and fun too.

There were a few people who wanted things for less then it costs to make them but most people were pretty decent about the prices.

Afterwards, I put my cash in at the ATM and grabbed a bite to eat  When I got home I paid off a small bill and Monday I’ll see about replacing one of my tires. My mom has informed me she won’t accept any repayment of what I owe her until I get at least one new tire… Lol.

Frogman

I had another really crazy dream.

I went with my grandmother to her dead sister’s house to go through her stuff. I was excited because she did a lot of cross stitch and macrame and I was hoping to score some floss and cords.

When we got there, there were these huge grocery store style chest freezers. And there were large frogs in them. Weird but uh okay.

I’m about done going through stuff. My grandmother is obsessed with finding secret messages hidden in pieces of glass. Everything glass she’s holding up to her eye to look through it. My uncle Ed is there too doing the same thing. There were other people there too.

Then this guy approaches me. He’s cute, polite, friendly. He asks if he can call me tomorrow. It’s really important he can call at a certain time because he can’t stay out of the water too long. I say okay. We try to exchange numbers but when I ask his name, he croaked like a frog. I’m starting to put things together now. Finally I start to give him my number.

Suddenly my grandfather appears and starts screaming at both of us. That I’m too young and naive to get involved in this, that the military is never going to take me away. I’m pissed because I just want to continue talking to this sweet man. Finally after a lot of yelling, everyone disperses from around us. I give him my number.

Somewhere during our conversation, I realize he’s been genetically altered by the military and they want to do the same to me. As my family is leaving the house later, a robot asked me if my name is D. Wild. I said no and keep walking. It has a big syringe full of liquid.

I get back home, which literally means climbing a fence. The next thing I know, all the other people in the house are working to hide me from the military who is now frantically searching for me. One of the (also genetically modified) people is holding me in a feed trailer in the dark, using his scent to mask mine. He’s also caressing my skin (why am I naked?) and I’m getting turned on and trying to be still and quiet.

Somehow they get them to back off and leave me alone. Puppies are given out. A party is planned for the next night. My mom steps in and says everyone has to leave by 8pm at the party.

But everything’s okay now.

Panic Dream

Two nights in a row, I’ve woken up from the same dream with a panic attack.

Basically, I was living on the streets, well, on an abandoned barge, and everyone was turning against me. I started plotting to get back at some of the people hurting me, and this sea captain helped me start a chain of catastrophic events, then rescued me. I had the clothes on my back. I was dirty and messy.

Turns out his ship could fucking fly and then we rode it across these roller coaster rails to a fantastic land where other humans didn’t exist. He was king of this land, and the people were a little different. Slightly feline looking, and covered in short fur but basically human in form.

The king adopted me as one of his daughters and sent me to have dresses made and get cleaned up and be made presentable.

I had an immediate attraction to the tailor who would be making my gowns and he stepped in to help me with my transition into their society. We spent all our time together. We fell in love. But elements of my real waking life were there too.

I was still the same weight. And when it came up that while a pregnancy could occur between our two species, it would be detrimental to the female, I said it was okay because I had already been spayed.

We traveled together between their planet and mine, visiting different cities around the world, doing silly things, learning about each other’s culture. We had fun.

But I was worried about really fitting in here. I didn’t fit in on my old life and people abused and hurt me. I wondered if that would just happen here in my new home too.

I’m not sure why this dream, which continued over two nights, was so triggering for me to cause panic attacks. I haven’t had one in a long time. It’s not a fun thing to wake up from. Heat racing, can’t breathe, your body feels out of control.

Thankfully I’ve had enough of them that I go through a mental checklist automatically. Can I breathe normally? Am I actually trying? Am I in physical danger? Am I in a safe place? Is there anything I can realistically do for myself to help this pass quickly?

By the time I get halfway through that I’m usually good. Last night I was barely awake and shaking so hard I almost started crying. But I rolled over, took a klonopin, adjusted my blankets, and breathed slowly and deliberately until I fell back asleep.

Tonight I was awakened too far for that to help so I got up and peed and watched an episode of South Park.

I don’t know if this anxiety is tied in to the date or something else. The 21st is the 9th anniversary of my Daddy’s death.

Family Christmas

Woohoo! So many weird dreams this last couple weeks!

I was at an extended family Christmas celebration. It was me, all my aunts, uncles, cousins… And my friend D. I don’t know if we were together & that’s why he was there, but he was part of the family.

We had a meal, and I was doing the dishes afterwards when it was suddenly time fur Star Wars hide and seek. And we were in a huge mansion so so many places to hide! We were all in costume.

Eventually we all got caught and we returned to the living room, where we all had some red wine and sang Christmas songs together. D was ensconced on a couch surrounded by my family’s children and looked super happy.

The whole dream wasn’t too weird but it felt absolutely surreal.

Night with the Living Dead

Another crazy dream this week, folks!

This time, my dead friend Chris just showed up at my house in the middle of the night. Not even a phone call first. I was shocked but invited him in even though I wasn’t allowed to have guests.

He had lost a ton of weight while “dead” and while I still recognized him, he was like another person.

We ended up having sex… But I could barely feel him even though he was pretty big. And he didn’t know how to kiss – he was a drooler. There’s nothing worse than a drooler!

My mom kept walking in on us acting disgusted and then she started parading random people through the bedroom too. Most of them were Rafael’s extended family and they all wanted to shake hands.

We eventually finished having sex and he made all these weird mechanical spurting noises when he finished, like he was a machine. It was bizarre.

Then I woke up.