• Dreamtime

    Sex, Drugs, and Hamsters

    I had two super weird dreams last night.

    The first one, Alix and I went to a bar and some guy swapped out my phone, purse and wallet for one that looked the same but didn’t have any of my stuff in them. We meet up with these Asian people, a 17 year old girl and a 30 year old guy. They wrote love letters to me on my arms, and then we decided to go pick up some heroin and head out to a campsite to get high.

    The girl got the drugs and we all pulled into this weird car where somehow there were 5 of us and 4 of us were in an open compartment in the back, hanging on for dear life. While we were driving we were doing the heroin, which was used by painting it onto your skin and fingernails. High as fuck and we somehow made it to the campsite.

    Once we got there, there were these huge bowl shaped concrete things that were designed for sleeping in. I dove into one with the Asian guy where we had a lot of sex. I don’t remember any details except he had a freakishly thick cock.

    There was a noise outside and he went to investigate, and now I was in a room. A naked man, who was a knight, appeared in the corner, with a long pink feather boa draped around his body.

    The knights took us captive and into their magical kingdom. Somehow I defeated their Queen and became the new Queen, and lived in a house that was medievil stone work on the outside but completely modern inside. I had all the sexy sex with all the knights.

    Sex with the knights was bizarre because as a magical people, their bodies worked a little differently. Along with ejaculating the usual fluids, they also ejaculated tickets that could be traded in for prizes. Kinda weird. Make your man cum, gain prizes!

    Then I had a second dream, which while not so wild, was still weird.

    My dad was excited to show me something. He had bought me 48 hamsters, though the two largest looked like guinea pigs. He said Halo seemed bored with life. I asked if he got them any food and he said they only need to eat when their teeth hurt.

    The hamster pigs were in the feed trailer so I guess they could eat the hay and then I woke up.

  • Crafting

    Holidays on the Homestead

    So tonight was the annual Holidays in the Homestead at the Antelope Valley Indian Museum. I’ve participated as a vendor I think 4 years in a row now, including one year when I was the only vendor who showed up. That was an interesting but pretty profitable night .. Lol.

    Tonight there a a good turnout with 5 vendors and a pretty good turnout of guests. I was really apprehensive about the stock I was bringing because I was going to be focused on things that were new to me  and steering away from jewelry. Turns out that was a good move because 80% of the other vendors’ offerings were jewelry.

    I took several small finished cross stitch designs (3 sold), stuffed toys (I sold 2 or 3 I can’t remember), crocheted flower hair clips (sold 4 pair), cotton face scrubbies (sold 4 or 5 I think), Halloween magnets (I sold most of the bats), $1 bracelets (sold 2), and shockingly I sold 2 of my 3 paintings. I didn’t sell any earrings.

    The stuffed toys I sold pretty cheaply because I’m running out of room to store them. I let the paintings go inexpensively as well simply because they were quick and inexpensive to make.

    I ended up making $85 over the cost of my table, so it was a pretty successful night and fun too.

    There were a few people who wanted things for less then it costs to make them but most people were pretty decent about the prices.

    Afterwards, I put my cash in at the ATM and grabbed a bite to eat  When I got home I paid off a small bill and Monday I’ll see about replacing one of my tires. My mom has informed me she won’t accept any repayment of what I owe her until I get at least one new tire… Lol.

  • Dreamtime

    Frogman

    I had another really crazy dream.

    I went with my grandmother to her dead sister’s house to go through her stuff. I was excited because she did a lot of cross stitch and macrame and I was hoping to score some floss and cords.

    When we got there, there were these huge grocery store style chest freezers. And there were large frogs in them. Weird but uh okay.

    I’m about done going through stuff. My grandmother is obsessed with finding secret messages hidden in pieces of glass. Everything glass she’s holding up to her eye to look through it. My uncle Ed is there too doing the same thing. There were other people there too.

    Then this guy approaches me. He’s cute, polite, friendly. He asks if he can call me tomorrow. It’s really important he can call at a certain time because he can’t stay out of the water too long. I say okay. We try to exchange numbers but when I ask his name, he croaked like a frog. I’m starting to put things together now. Finally I start to give him my number.

    Suddenly my grandfather appears and starts screaming at both of us. That I’m too young and naive to get involved in this, that the military is never going to take me away. I’m pissed because I just want to continue talking to this sweet man. Finally after a lot of yelling, everyone disperses from around us. I give him my number.

    Somewhere during our conversation, I realize he’s been genetically altered by the military and they want to do the same to me. As my family is leaving the house later, a robot asked me if my name is D. Wild. I said no and keep walking. It has a big syringe full of liquid.

    I get back home, which literally means climbing a fence. The next thing I know, all the other people in the house are working to hide me from the military who is now frantically searching for me. One of the (also genetically modified) people is holding me in a feed trailer in the dark, using his scent to mask mine. He’s also caressing my skin (why am I naked?) and I’m getting turned on and trying to be still and quiet.

    Somehow they get them to back off and leave me alone. Puppies are given out. A party is planned for the next night. My mom steps in and says everyone has to leave by 8pm at the party.

    But everything’s okay now.

  • Dreamtime,  Health

    Panic Dream

    Two nights in a row, I’ve woken up from the same dream with a panic attack.

    Basically, I was living on the streets, well, on an abandoned barge, and everyone was turning against me. I started plotting to get back at some of the people hurting me, and this sea captain helped me start a chain of catastrophic events, then rescued me. I had the clothes on my back. I was dirty and messy.

    Turns out his ship could fucking fly and then we rode it across these roller coaster rails to a fantastic land where other humans didn’t exist. He was king of this land, and the people were a little different. Slightly feline looking, and covered in short fur but basically human in form.

    The king adopted me as one of his daughters and sent me to have dresses made and get cleaned up and be made presentable.

    I had an immediate attraction to the tailor who would be making my gowns and he stepped in to help me with my transition into their society. We spent all our time together. We fell in love. But elements of my real waking life were there too.

    I was still the same weight. And when it came up that while a pregnancy could occur between our two species, it would be detrimental to the female, I said it was okay because I had already been spayed.

    We traveled together between their planet and mine, visiting different cities around the world, doing silly things, learning about each other’s culture. We had fun.

    But I was worried about really fitting in here. I didn’t fit in on my old life and people abused and hurt me. I wondered if that would just happen here in my new home too.

    I’m not sure why this dream, which continued over two nights, was so triggering for me to cause panic attacks. I haven’t had one in a long time. It’s not a fun thing to wake up from. Heat racing, can’t breathe, your body feels out of control.

    Thankfully I’ve had enough of them that I go through a mental checklist automatically. Can I breathe normally? Am I actually trying? Am I in physical danger? Am I in a safe place? Is there anything I can realistically do for myself to help this pass quickly?

    By the time I get halfway through that I’m usually good. Last night I was barely awake and shaking so hard I almost started crying. But I rolled over, took a klonopin, adjusted my blankets, and breathed slowly and deliberately until I fell back asleep.

    Tonight I was awakened too far for that to help so I got up and peed and watched an episode of South Park.

    I don’t know if this anxiety is tied in to the date or something else. The 21st is the 9th anniversary of my Daddy’s death.

  • Dreamtime

    Family Christmas

    Woohoo! So many weird dreams this last couple weeks!

    I was at an extended family Christmas celebration. It was me, all my aunts, uncles, cousins… And my friend D. I don’t know if we were together & that’s why he was there, but he was part of the family.

    We had a meal, and I was doing the dishes afterwards when it was suddenly time fur Star Wars hide and seek. And we were in a huge mansion so so many places to hide! We were all in costume.

    Eventually we all got caught and we returned to the living room, where we all had some red wine and sang Christmas songs together. D was ensconced on a couch surrounded by my family’s children and looked super happy.

    The whole dream wasn’t too weird but it felt absolutely surreal.

  • Dreamtime

    Night with the Living Dead

    Another crazy dream this week, folks!

    This time, my dead friend Chris just showed up at my house in the middle of the night. Not even a phone call first. I was shocked but invited him in even though I wasn’t allowed to have guests.

    He had lost a ton of weight while “dead” and while I still recognized him, he was like another person.

    We ended up having sex… But I could barely feel him even though he was pretty big. And he didn’t know how to kiss – he was a drooler. There’s nothing worse than a drooler!

    My mom kept walking in on us acting disgusted and then she started parading random people through the bedroom too. Most of them were Rafael’s extended family and they all wanted to shake hands.

    We eventually finished having sex and he made all these weird mechanical spurting noises when he finished, like he was a machine. It was bizarre.

    Then I woke up.

  • General

    One Year

    Somewhere in these next few days marks my first year of being me post-relationship. It’s gone by really fast, and while I honestly like being single more than I like dating, it still feels weird sometimes after an almost 8 year coupling.

    In the last year, I’ve used multiple dating apps and attempted 2 dates. The first guy was supposed to meet me at Sharky’s but he stood me up.

    The second guy met me for coffee and could not hold a conversation at all. He just made occasional mumbling about his dog. I love dogs. I’m a dog person. But this guy seemed completely terrified of actually talking to me.

    I’ve had a lot of guys get crappy with me in chats because they accuse me of playing games when I don’t invite them over immediately. No, I’m just not allowed to have guests. And no, I’m not looking for a hookup, k thnx bai.

    I’m not even really actively looking to date. If I find a connection with someone and it’s a good fit and we enjoy each other, great. If not, I’m not all that invested. And if a good thing happens, I feel like I’m ready to be a part of it, but there’s no rush. And that’s okay!

    Anyway, yeah, one year also marks the time I’ve been living with mom and her boyfriend. One year of cleaning, purging, and organizing a mess that’s mostly not mine. I’ve made a lot of progress, but I’m looking forward to the day I’m not living here any longer.

    Baby steps though. Baby steps.

  • General

    Sentimental

    My cleaning has come to a halt because I’m facing some major sentimentality. I’ve come across a decent sized collection of photography books that were my dad’s  He loved photography. It was a major hobby for him, at least as far back as when I was a tiny little girl.

    I’ve gotten rid of so many things over the last few months, and now I’m stuck on these books. I won’t use them – but I can’t seem to load them up in the car either. It’s strange because I’ve never been sentimental about anything. It’s just stuff.

    But this is different because this was stuff my daddy was passionate about.