The last few days have been crazy. I’ve been feeling under the weather for a couple weeks, with an elevated heart rate. Wednesday I finished my Anatomy exam and took myself to the ER. My heart rate was sitting at about 130 and they ran all kinds of tests. An EKG, blood, urine, chest x-ray, and a CT scan because they thought I might have a blood clot in my chest. They couldn’t find anything wrong with me, just a mysteriously rapid heart beat.
By midnight I had horrible heartburn, and driving home at almost 3am, I had to pull over twice to vomit. To make things even better, I dropped my glasses into the vomit, and I shit myself a little. That was a fun drive home.
Thursday afternoon, my mom was in town after work and some dumb test turned left in front of her when she had the right of way. Her truck is totaled, the other car is, and today we went into town to pick up her rental.
It’s a almost brand new Lexus 3 0 i and it’s dripping with leather and power everything. It’s really, really nice. She hates it because it’s different from her truck. After we got the car, we went to get lunch and she wasn’t too impressed with the food. I feel a little bad that everything this week is making her unhappy.
A few days before all this I went to town to get fish food and I came home with no fish food and 6 platys. The platys are fun to watch, little pops of color swimming around nibbling the plants. I do hope they have babies though. There’s 3 sunsets and 3 blue wags. I’m honestly not sure if there are any males though, most of them look female to me.
You guys! I love meat. But I decided to save a few dollars and try out a vegetarian chili. It was super easy and aside from having to open a lot of cans, really quick to toss in the pot.
You need :
- 1 16oz can each of black beans, Pinto beans, kidney beans, garbanzo beans, and corn
- 2 bell peppers
- 1 large red onion
- 1 28oz can diced tomatoes
- 2 packets chili seasoning if your choice or make your own blend
- 2 generous teaspoons of dried oregano
- 2 heaping teaspoons minced garlic (or more – is there such a thing as too much garlic?)
- Dice or run the peppers and onion through your foods processor.
- Dump everything into a large pot and stir to combine.
- Let simmer until heated thru and flavors have begun to combine.
- Spoon into bowls or over Fritos and top with cheddar cheese if desired.
And holy crap! This chili is good and so filling!
So my last post was about a month ago when I got my nipples pierced. I’m happy to say they are healing up nicely and I was so pleased with how not OMG awful the experience was, that this last Tuesday, I went back to the piercer and got my septum and VCH done.
Yeah, I went with the little pink rhinestone clicker, and I ordered another one with a big(ish) bright pink simulated opal on it.
No photo of the VCH, but I can assure you it looks super cute!
Wednesday I met with my therapist and she asked if I would like to meet more often- weekly instead of monthly. I said yes because I feel like I really benefit from seeing her.
After that, I took myself on a solo lunch date to my favorite Mexican place, my first time going there without Mattie. The waiter asked if he should say he’s sorry or congratulate me on my break-up- I said congratulate me. I had a really nice meal, and I got to eat as many of the chips and salsa as I wanted. 🙂
I don’t think I mentioned my mom’s dog had a little of puppies 5 weeks ago. The puppies are 3/4 German Shepherd and 1/4 Belgian Malinois. I’ve spent the last 2 weeks telling myself I do not need a puppy. There are 9 of them.
Anyway, this guy!
This is Yuba, and he’s mine. He’s got a pretty blue collar on, and I’ve ordered him a tag with his name and my phone number and I’m so excited. I’m gonna have a dog again! He’s the lightest colored pup in the litter, and he’s the smallest boy, and so far the calmest. His mama is overly cautious and not terribly friendly, and the father is not any better. I’m planning to leave him with his siblings for a few more weeks and then start crate training. Once his puppy shots are finished, he’ll start going places with me to gain more socialization and hopefully more confidence.
I’m not really angry anymore, but I am contemplating unfriending Mattie on Facebook, and his mom too. My curiosity got the better of me, and I went trolling back to his posts when he announced our breakup. There was rather a lot of shit talking, which amounted to me being a crazy bitch, a terrible cook (his mother agreed on this even though she’s never eaten my cooking?), and there were comments about how at least I wouldn’t be trying to poison him any longer. Granted, I said some things here, but I did not post things like that where he was likely to see them nor did I encourage my friends to badmouth him. I asked him on Saturday for space- and he hasn’t respected that at all so far because he’s still sending me messages and chattering away at me just like nothing had happened. He’s refusing to respect my “no” and that’s not okay.
At the urging of a friend, I joined FetLife, which is a rather interesting place. Basically its Facebook for fetistists/kinksters. Creating my profile was interesting, as has been browsing the site in general. I found a few people I know right off, which honestly, while nice, was not a surprise. Some of the people I found I’m quite fond of, while others… well, I won’t be communicating with them there, either. But such is social networking, right?
I think I’ve lost a few pounds over these last few weeks, though not because I was trying. If I’ve been out of the house, I’ve eaten once per day, and at home, maybe twice, and half the time its been salad. I just don’t have an appetite most days. Am I depressed? I’m honestly not sure. On the surface I feel pretty good- I’m free of the confines of the unhappiness of my last relationship, and I can do what I want now. I can focus on making myself happy, instead of someone who can’t be happy no matter what I did. I’m free to branch out, meet new people, pursue what I like, and say no to what I don’t. But at the same time, I’m unhappy at having to have had to move back to my mom’s. This is not my home. I honestly don’t know where home is at this point and I feel somewhat unmoored.
I saw my psychologist yesterday and I requested a refill on my Klonopin Rx. I still have several left, but I like having it just in case. I took one every night the week we broke up, but haven’t touched them since. And I’ve been working off of the same 30 tablets for over a year so its not like I just take them all the time.
Today I was supposed to meet with County Mental Health’s Employment Specialist, but I cancelled and rescheduled my appointment for after the first. I messed up my finances pretty badly this month and I don’t have gas money to make trips I absolutely don’t have to into town. I sold some stuff at the beginning of the month, and I had less expenses, but between paying off some small debts and eating in town a lot, I managed to overspend for the month and now I’m counting pennies until next month’s money comes in. Next month will be better though. I just need to track my spending better and stick to my budget. I can do this.
I also saw Princess yesterday and we hung out for a little while. It was nice to see her and nicer to see she’d gotten rid of her husband. Seems to be a lot of that going around. She’s looking fabulous though and the kids- OMG! The girl is 14 now and beautiful, and the oldest boy is 6 foot and trying to learn to play guitar. I was like damn it. I feel so old seeing them as closer to adulthood then babyhood.
I did get most of my stuff tucked away into the spare room, so I can say most of my belongings have been put up. There’s still a few things laying around the house, but its still progress made. And my mom is making an effort (finally) to clean up the rest of the house. She’s sent me into town with 4 kitchen trash bags full of stuff to be donated, and thrown away a bunch more. Of course there’s still a ton to go through but any progress is good. I still need to get her to take in the old electronics to the drop off and that would clear out a lot of space in the house. But baby steps….
And I got rid of almost half of my yarn! Stuff I wasn’t completely in love with I sold, with a few more still to go. It made a big difference in getting things put away.
- 3 cups self-rising flour -or-
1 ¼th teaspoons baking power & 1/8th teaspoon salt to each cup of all-purpose flour
- 1/4th cup sugar
- 12 oz. beer
- Preheat oven to 350*. Mix all ingredients until well combined. Pour into greased pan.
- Place in oven and bake for 35 minutes.
Makes 8 servings of 1 slice each. Each slice has 200 calories, 0.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of fiber, 5 grams of protein, and 40 grams of carbs.
- 3 cups self-rising flour -or-
Me: This salad dressing looks like cum.
Mattie: Maybe you should fix something else.
Me: No, its okay. It doesn’t taste like cum.