friends

Little Things

I finished my exam, which didn’t take long. I’ll be driving in to turn it in this evening. I know I’m getting a good grade but I’m still curious about my other grades in the class and whether or not I might get a B. A B would make me so happy.

I purchased and ordered yarn for my first sweater. The pattern seems to be more recipe than pattern, so I should be able to easily make a few minor changes. It’s basically a tube (it’s of the shoulder) with a cable across the chest.

I feel so much better in the days since dropping the friend I wrote about before. I’m just so much less stressed and I’m not worrying about making sure they’re okay 24/7. I was basically babysitting them all day while they bitched about how horrible everyone treated them. At first I felt bad because it seems like they actually need a lot of help but I just couldn’t deal with them constantly playing the victim about every little detail in their life. It’s definitely better without them. I can get things done now.

The kittens are growing like crazy and while the dogs are outside during the day the kittens have the run of the house. They’re basically complete little Psychopaths running around, jumping off of things, wrestling, climbing, getting tripped over, and doing all things cat. The littlest one, he’s so cute, has been a little behind the curve in learning to do all things cat. But he’s slowly catching up, wrestling with his brother and sister, and starting to climb and explore. I’ll be sad when they all go outside to become barn cats like we intended from the beginning.

My doggos turned 2 years old on the 25th. It’s hard to believe they’re no longer puppies at all, considering they constantly act like puppies, racing around, playing, fighting, Wrestling, doing all the things that puppies do, pretty much 24/7 unless they’re sleeping or eating. I felt like a really bad dog mom because I totally forgot to wish them happy birthday and I didn’t even give them extra treats that day! The horror of it!

I got a really cool backpack to tote around my stuff for school in the coming semesters. It was a little pricey but honestly good backpacks have always been a little pricey. I remember when I was in high school a JanSport would cost about $45 and that was in the mid-to-late 90s. I especially like the one I got because it has a special pocket that’s padded to hold a laptop, a smaller padded pocket for a tablet, it’s got pockets for water bottles, and as large as enough to hold a couple of binders or books. It’s also my favorite color.

It’s currently 1:30 in the morning and I’m awake because after only getting 5 hours sleep yesterday, I went to bed at 10 p.m. last night only to wake up at 1 a.m. hot, headachy, and having to pee really bad. I went pee, and I’ve cooled down, but I still have the headache. Will likely take some ibuprofen in a little bit. There will definitely be an app in order this afternoon!

Friendships

I made the decision to end a friendship last night. I had a friend, whom I’ve known for about 4 years. In this time, this person has constantly overreacted, accused literally everyone who they interact with of constantly attacking them if they don’t tell them what they want to hear, and doing their damnedest to remain a victim in relation to virtually everything. People have offered to help them, and there’s always an excuse why they can’t do it.

The dumb memes saying you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life? That’s what it came down to. This person is addicted to drama, trauma, and negativity and while I wish them the best, I just can’t keep walking around on eggshells afraid they’re going to bite my face off over any comment I make.

It’s been getting more and more stressful to interact with them and it’s taking a toll on my mental health to continue trying to safeguard theirs when all I get back is being told I’m unhelpful, triggering, telling them what to do, and apparently recently I’ve started making fun of their disabilities. I can’t even begin to make sense or if the way they think. As a person with my own disability, I would never belittle or laugh at someone because of theirs.

Anyway… My evenings will be quieter now and I’ll find something else to fill them. Maybe I’ll actually get some crafting done now instead of trying to babysit them while they blame everyone else for all their problems.

Scary Adult Stuff

I did a brave but scary thing this evening.

One of the first people my ex introduced me to while we were together was this guy who physically is totally my type. Turns out he’s really nice, an actual good guy.

We’d see each other at parties and friends house over the next 9 and a half years. He would flirt with me after he had a few drinks, but I never saw him flirt with anyone else. Multiple times we went out in a group and I watched beautiful women try really hard to get his attention and he would never notice.

Fast forward 8 years. My ex and I have split up, and I’m chatting with him online fairly often. Still running into each other socially, at parties, whatever. I like him. A lot. Tried being subtle. Tried being obvious. No idea how he feels except I’m fairly sure he’s attracted to me.

Tonight I sent him a message that said:

“Okay…. So like potentially awkward message time.

I have no idea if you’re seeing anyone, but I’m interested in you, and I don’t know if you’re uninterested or just oblivious. I’ve found you to be attractive since we first met.

I would like to get to know you better and possibly see you romantically. Getting straight to the point here… Lol.

If you’re not interested, that’s okay too. But it’s up to you now. I haven’t got a goddamn clue how this whole dating thing even works.

I hope you’re having a good evening!“

Then I proceeded to panic because I’m a 12 year old girl.

Anyway, long story slightly shorter, he responded, he likes me a lot, but he’s trying to work on some personal issues before seriously dating anyone. This feels legit because his last relationship was a big mess and he’s a very honest person.

He also said he wasn’t missing all my signals, he’s just not good at expressing things sometimes so he’s glad I took the direct route so we could talk about it.

So yeah. I took a risk, did not go up in flames, and maybe it’ll work out to our liking in the future. I don’t think he’s really kinky but he is very open minded and has a curious nature.

I’m sitting here now with some minor fallout from my earlier panic but I know things will be okay, whatever happens.

Frogman

I had another really crazy dream.

I went with my grandmother to her dead sister’s house to go through her stuff. I was excited because she did a lot of cross stitch and macrame and I was hoping to score some floss and cords.

When we got there, there were these huge grocery store style chest freezers. And there were large frogs in them. Weird but uh okay.

I’m about done going through stuff. My grandmother is obsessed with finding secret messages hidden in pieces of glass. Everything glass she’s holding up to her eye to look through it. My uncle Ed is there too doing the same thing. There were other people there too.

Then this guy approaches me. He’s cute, polite, friendly. He asks if he can call me tomorrow. It’s really important he can call at a certain time because he can’t stay out of the water too long. I say okay. We try to exchange numbers but when I ask his name, he croaked like a frog. I’m starting to put things together now. Finally I start to give him my number.

Suddenly my grandfather appears and starts screaming at both of us. That I’m too young and naive to get involved in this, that the military is never going to take me away. I’m pissed because I just want to continue talking to this sweet man. Finally after a lot of yelling, everyone disperses from around us. I give him my number.

Somewhere during our conversation, I realize he’s been genetically altered by the military and they want to do the same to me. As my family is leaving the house later, a robot asked me if my name is D. Wild. I said no and keep walking. It has a big syringe full of liquid.

I get back home, which literally means climbing a fence. The next thing I know, all the other people in the house are working to hide me from the military who is now frantically searching for me. One of the (also genetically modified) people is holding me in a feed trailer in the dark, using his scent to mask mine. He’s also caressing my skin (why am I naked?) and I’m getting turned on and trying to be still and quiet.

Somehow they get them to back off and leave me alone. Puppies are given out. A party is planned for the next night. My mom steps in and says everyone has to leave by 8pm at the party.

But everything’s okay now.

Critters!

I had another really weird dream.

I was with friends (my high school friend’s older sister Anna? A blonde woman?) and we took a road trip to visit some of her friends way out in the middle of nowhere.

There was this guy who wouldn’t wear clothes except underwear and he had some mental things going on. He hated being touched too but like he liked me enough to snuggle me. So we were snuggling for like 3 days and nights, nonstop.

Anna and the blonde woman had dropped me off there and left, but eventually Anna and the other girl came back and they were teasing him about having needs and then we all four left in the car.

But then it started storming and all of a sudden a portal opened and all this blackness liquid evil came pouring out along with huge monsters that were swallowing up everything. They looked like the things from the movie Critters, and were big enough to swallow a bus whole.

We were lucky enough to float to relative safety in our car, and then I woke up.