Things Are Not So Good (But I’m Working On It!)

It has come (rather rudely) to my attention that I really should not have gone off of my anti-depressants a year or so ago and that I have been slowly spiraling downwards since. I spent about half of the week following my return home from Washington on the edge of a major meltdown and I’ve spent the past few days calling Mental Health twice daily until they could move my appointment up to sometime this month. I haven’t been knitting, crocheting, or playing with clay. I just can’t make myself care about any of it right now. Tracy said she knew something was wrong when I stopped playing with my clay. She’s likely right that that was the first serious part of the decline. But that’s the thing about depression. You don’t always know when its happening until you’re so low you can;t see over the top of the pit any more. All of a sudden you realize you’re buried in this big deep hole with no daylight left in sight. The only good thing about having been here before is I know there is daylight beyond the rim and I know how and where to get help for it.

On a happier note, this is the yarn I ordered while on a great sale from Michael’s online.

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Its a completely crappy phone picture, but you can see the gorgeous jewel tones of the colors. Why so much? Because when you buy from the Michael’s website, you have to buy in warehouse inner pack quantities. In the case of most of the yarns, that’s 3 skeins, but some are different.

Then as if I didn’t have enough new yarn, my mom got me this mess for my birthday via one of the warehouse’s employee only sales.

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That’s 9 coordinating skeins of Bernat Mega Bulky, and three Big skeins of Loops & Threads Impeccable. I’ve got 2 other skeins of Mega Bulky already in my stash that will go with these colors, so I’m thinking its blanket time! There’s also 2 containers of air dry clay plus a slushie machine, all of which she got for about $20. ๐Ÿ™‚

This though, BTW, is not a good Ben & Jerry’s flavor. The ice cream itself is alright but the caramel core is so salty its like brine. I might actually throw the rest of this pint in the trash and call it a loss.

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On the 15th I have an appointment in Panarama City for my consultation about getting a tubal ligation. I’m not looking forward to the drive down there, and I hope I don’t have to pay for parking, but if all goes well it puts me one step closer to making sure I stay child-free! Yay! And yes, I know its permanent, and yes I’ve thought about it a lot. For about 20 years to be exact. If I could have had this done at 20 easily I would have.

Its Funky Math Time!

If you’ve popped over to the Daily Food & Workout Summary pages in the last 24 hours, you’ll see some math going on. If its not completely self-explanatory, I’ll explain it. It really is pretty simple.

First off, the page starts with a BMR based on my current weight. You can find yours here. That tells you roughly how many calories it would take to maintain your weight just laying in bed all day doing nothing. That’s my base number. Every month I will update the new page with a new number based off of the couple of pounds I’ll have lost.

Each individual date marks what fitness activities I did, as well as how many calories I ate, and how many I burned according to my Polar heart rate monitor. The last value given is the daily deficit. The deficit is found by taking the BMR and subtracting the number of calories I ate, then adding the number of calories I burned through fitness.

At the bottom of the page, there are some totals. The first is the number of calories required to maintain weight based off of my BMR. I can figure that number out right off because its just my BMR times the number of days in the month that I’m tracking.

Total calories consumed and total exercise calories burned are pretty basic and updated at the end of each day. The calorie deficit can also be updated daily based on the daily calculations. At the end of the month I can double check it by taking the multiplied BMR, subtracting total calories consumed, and adding total calories burned.

Roughly 3500 calories is one pound, so it’ll be curious too to see how my weight loss numbers match up with the deficits.

Is Three Days A Streak?

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I signed up at Planet Fitness on Friday and so far I’ve made it to the gym four times. Once each Friday and Saturday and I went twice today, once before and once after dinner.

My goal is a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio every day no matter what. I’m also going to try to do something new each time I go in. Today that something new was the stair climber machine. I did a total of ten floors and I thought my heart might explode. I don’t know how Keep It Up David does it!

They have a 12 minute ab circuit I could do as well as a 30 minute cardio circuit is like to try as well. And I really want to get back to strength training again too.

Tomorrow I’ll be back there again after Mattie gets home from work hopefully for a 45 minute workout.

A Little Off Track But Not Too Bad

Today was a bit of a struggle to stay on track with food but I feel like I did okay. I made good choices throughout the day and went to the gym to do a half hour of cardio before dinner. Dinner was a big salad with ham on it, and a side of mac n cheese that Mattie grumbled about because it was spicy. I used nacho cheese that I had leftover from last night on the pasta and that was very evil of me.

After dinner we went to Palmdale to check out a new frozen yogurt place (Yogurt Land) and we were impressed. I got the Vanilla Malted and Chocolate Truffle swirled together with a few cookie dough bits mixed in. I only filled my cup about halfway so I wouldn’t do too much damage to my day’s eating. After we had our froyo, we popped by Bevmo to pick up some fancy specialty beers, Mattie some wines, and me a bottle of Sailor Jerry’s. I love me some good rum and Sailor Jerry’s is my favorite!

I also made a trip earlier in the evening to the store where I bought lunches to last Mattie out the rest of the month, apples, bananas, a cantaloupe, more lettuce, some bacon, and some pudding cups. That leaves me with about $5 til the end of the month after I take out for dog food, which if I’m lucky the dogs won’t even need this month because I bought two bags at the end of last month.

I also did some quick crafts, busting out my polymer clay and making a pendent, and some clip on style earrings which I’m not quite finished with. I’ll finish them later this evening.

Its Friday Night (And We’re Too Old To Party)

Its Friday night and Mattie stopped by the store to pick up dinner that he decided to cook me. He did some nice steaks in the broiler, baked potatoes, and broccoli. We had butter but nothing else to put on the potatoes, (and I’m the type to slather my baked potato in either sour cream or Greek yogurt) so I did a little butter and nacho cheese since we didn’t really have anything else to put in the tater. I put the cheese on the broccoli too. Dinner was really good, and I managed to stay under my calorie goal for the day as well.

I started tracking with Spark People this week. I previously used My Fitness Pal on my phone but the last few weeks the ads got so bad that the app was unusable. So far I’ve managed to stay under my calorie goals all week but the scale hasn’t budged. Still, it hasn’t gone up so that’s good too. I think the scale isn’t moving because I’m not moving enough, but I’m working on that too.

Today the only mail we got was a flyer advertising a new Planet Fitness that opened only 2 miles away and that membership was only $10 a month. I remembered hearing a friend of Twitter a few weeks ago saying he had just signed up there so I figured why not drive over and check it out. The people there were friendly and helpful and they gave a good tour of the place which was nice and clean and appeared to have really nice equipment throughout. The cost for the basic membership which is all I need is $10 a month, a $1 sign up fee, and the yearly fee of $29.99 which comes up in February. I signed up, went back home for a bit, and later went back for my first workout. I walked a half mile on the treadmill, then did 18 minutes on a recumbent bike for a total of 29 minutes of cardio, then went home. It was a baby workout but its beenย months since I’ve done anything and I was feeling it. I’ll go back again tomorrow.

Not a lot else to say today (and I did do double today with my shopping post) so going to call it good here. See you next time!

Something New, & I Bought All The Things

The weekend was pretty quiet for us, though we did have our friend Tim over on Friday night for a few hours and of course Sashi fell in love with him again. He’s pretty tall, so she’s a bit intimidated while he’s standing, but get him sitting down and this happens.

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Luckily he likes her and plays with her and spoils her rotten or I would forever be apologizing about our incredibly rude dog randomly climbing into his lap. Its not like she’s a little lap dog- she’s 85 pounds of big!

Friday night I also started working on a second triangle scarf, this one in some gorgeous but otherwise awful to work with boucle yarn. I finished it Sunday afternoon and I have to say it turned out beautifully. I’m really, really happy with how it turned out.

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Everything about it is just gorgeous! The colors turned out beautiful, the fringe looks good, its pretty much prefect. I’m torn between trying to sell it and keeping it, but I don’t think I should keep it unless I can wear it often. Ugh! So many tough decisions! ๐Ÿ˜‰ I think it will go as a nice cover-up to keep me a bit warmed for Halloween though when that rolls around and it is mostly greenish so it will kind of go with my costume.

I got my costume on Saturday in the mail and surprise! It didn’t fit. Well, it fit, but I couldn’t pull it on over my boobs. I had to rip out the back seam down past the waistline, insert two small panels of black stretch lace, and add a zipper. The gauntlets it came with are definitely not plus sized as they are supposed to be worn above the elbow and I can’t even wear them right below the elbow without losing circulation to my arms. I’ll have to find a fix for them as well.

This morning I woke up early so I was at the grocery store by 9am to beat the crowds. I feel like I bought out half of the store, and I spent a lot of money for me. I bought good, healthy things like fresh fruit, veggies, eggs, and lean meats but I also bought things like bread, pasta, processed meats, and some frozen convenience foods. I guess it kind of balances out so overall it was an okay shopping trip.

I’m really wanting to go back to the gym but of course there’s no money to do so right now, and I’m not even sure where I would like to go. I’m thinking about hopping gym to gym and trying out free passes to see what I like and what is actually affordable. My last gym is okay in winter time but they refuse to turn on the air in summer and its miserable in there then. It makes it hard to get a good workout if you’re worried about dying from heat stroke.