About six months ago, I bought some trade paper backs of some comics I like. Read a few, loved the stories, but decided I would rather read digital instead.
Those are in my shop now at a discounted price… Hint hint!
Then I bought a couple Humble Bundles which were loaded with comics. And I’ve got them all loaded on my Kindle Fire 8 (plus others I’ve acquired) and I’m slowly reading through them in the ComiCat app.
Some of them really surprised me how much I enjoyed them. Bitch Planet? Chew? Chester 5000? I’ve loved every minute! Lumberjanes took a little bit but it really grew on me. Mine! was a fantastic collection of stories from all sorts of people. It’s sales benefit Planned Parenthood and believe it I bought it the day it released.
I’m still reading Chew which has quite a few issues I need to get, but after I read the next few tonight, I’m planning on reading Bingo Love, a story about two women of color who fall in love at church bingo, but go on to marry, have kids, and live a full life only to be brought back together again in old age. I’m super excited about that one!
Chatting with a long-time friend tonight, I expressed my frustration with what I’m not finding. He asked me to make a list of everything I need in a partner. This was my list :
- Dominant but not domineering
- Really okay with butt stuff
- Exploratory but not pushy; respect for my limits
- Safe, clean, hygienic
- Not afraid to physically hurt me (maybe more than a little)
- Excellent communicator
And then we reviewed my list. And that brought up all the damned feels because monogamy, and his lack of it, is the one (really big) place we don’t line up. And it’s so frustrating because we’d make each other miserable, having to be what we’re not, and neither of us are willing to stand in the way of the others happiness.
There’s a lot of love between us. The sex was always great. And he’s the only one I’ve not only been able to submit to, but have wanted to give him my submission willingly and without question. He does things for me nobody else ever has. He’s the fucking bar everyone else is held up to and then falls short.
So tonight I sleep, frustrated, sad, wishful, and dreaming of his touch. Because everything I want is just out of reach.