Hello! Or Something

This morning we had the plumber out to take a look at three issues we were having with the water. We’ve had no cold water to the washer for months, which means I’ve had to fill the washer from the hose, which as you can imagine, gets old quickly, and because there’s no cold water going in, our washer skips the rinse cycle. We’ve been unable to take baths because almost no water will come out of the bathtub tap. Barely a trickle. And the water to the swamp cooler can’t be turned off all the way- minor enough in the grand scheme of things, but something that needed fixing. The plumbers were here about an hour and a half and fixed everything for us, so hopefully we can go awhile before we need to call them out again.

I got 3 of my things I’ve ordered recently in the mail today- Curvy Girl Crochet (which honestly I’m a little disappointed in most of the designs- they are typical fat girl styles and don’t properly show off the right curves), a skein of Bernat Blanket in Vintage White that after a gift card redemption I got for $0.08, and a beautiful ball of Knit Picks Chroma in North Woods which I can’t stop looking at. I’ve got 4 more small items coming (3 more books and 2 skeins of lovely, lovely yarn) and I found (and ordered) the shelving unit I wanted for the other side of my craft room at Target at a slightly lower price than even Closetmaid offers. I am having it shipped to Target to pick up so hopefully it will arrive sooner than having their painfully slow shipping sent to my house.

I seem to be doing okay on the Zoloft so far. It seems to be helping curb my ever present anxiety a bit more and I am sleeping better than before. I’m also pretty sure I’ve entered another manic phase though and we will need to try upping the dosage of my Geodon the next time I go in to see my doctor.Β In other doctor related news, I got the okay from my insurance to schedule my surgery for tubal ligation so will call to make the appointment on Monday. I need to let that doctor know about the changes to my medications as well.

I’ve spent quite a bit of time the last few days cleaning, sorting, organizing, and throwing out a ton of stuff from my craft room. Basically I threw out 2 trash bags full of cheap, icky, 60’s and 70’s polyester knit fabrics in various states of being turned into shirts and dresses by my grandmother. I took the time to remove all the pins from the bundles and removed the occasional paper pattern piece from them as well- the pins for me, and the mismatched pattern pieces for an art project for Tracy. I also bagged up half a bag of clothing and yarn to donate to thrift. The bag I had of finished sewing projects I was able to store in the bottom drawer of my fabric storage which cleared up quite a bit of space. I’m hoping to get my craft room looking fabulous in the next week or so and as organized as it can get.

That’s all I’ve got for now so until next time… πŸ™‚

Guinea Pig

Yesterday I had my appointment with my psych doctor and it went well. I explained to him that in hindsight I felt going off of the Wellbutrin and not trying another anti-depressant was a mistake, that I felt I had been going downhill over the last six months, culminating in a couple of weeks of crying and some very negative thoughts. I also told him in less than a year I’ve gained 90 pounds, because to put it simply, I eat my feelings and I’ve not been well. Of course it took months for me to see it for myself because I never see it until I’m about thirty feet underground.

He pointed out that I’ve been having manic depressive cycles which I should not be, and we decided to try Zoloft and see where that leaves me. Later we may try increasing my dose of Geodon as well if this doesn’t control my cycling. I took the first dose of the Zoloft last night.

After I picked up my new Rx, I stopped by Michael’s and found two skeins of yarn I liked in the clearance aisle, plus got some others that were on sale, plus I had a 20% off coupon. I also got two rubber stamps for $1.00 each.

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One of my clearance yarns. I've been wanting to try this yarn for a while but it's rather expensive for am acrylic yarn so hadn't gotten any until now.

We had pool league last night and I did terrible. 16 points across all 4 games, my best game being a 6. Just not a good night for me or really anyone on our team. We only won one set.

After we left pool, we stopped by Berry Star and got frozen yogurt. I tracked all my food yesterday and managed to stay under my limits. I’m trying to use up all the meat in the freezer before I buy more, and I think we have about 5 days left – I think we will run out right before the end of the month.

After we got home, Mattie went right to bed, and I fed the dogs, did the dishes, took the dogs out to potty, put some purchased craft supplies away, put the dishes away, checked the mail, sorted out and threw away Mattie’s holey socks, and put the laundry away. It was a lot of stuff but it only took about 45 minutes to do. Then I finally got to bed. 

Things Are Not So Good (But I’m Working On It!)

It has come (rather rudely) to my attention that I really should not have gone off of my anti-depressants a year or so ago and that I have been slowly spiraling downwards since. I spent about half of the week following my return home from Washington on the edge of a major meltdown and I’ve spent the past few days calling Mental Health twice daily until they could move my appointment up to sometime this month. I haven’t been knitting, crocheting, or playing with clay. I just can’t make myself care about any of it right now. Tracy said she knew something was wrong when I stopped playing with my clay. She’s likely right that that was the first serious part of the decline. But that’s the thing about depression. You don’t always know when its happening until you’re so low you can;t see over the top of the pit any more. All of a sudden you realize you’re buried in this big deep hole with no daylight left in sight. The only good thing about having been here before is I know there is daylight beyond the rim and I know how and where to get help for it.

On a happier note, this is the yarn I ordered while on a great sale from Michael’s online.

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Its a completely crappy phone picture, but you can see the gorgeous jewel tones of the colors. Why so much? Because when you buy from the Michael’s website, you have to buy in warehouse inner pack quantities. In the case of most of the yarns, that’s 3 skeins, but some are different.

Then as if I didn’t have enough new yarn, my mom got me this mess for my birthday via one of the warehouse’s employee only sales.

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That’s 9 coordinating skeins of Bernat Mega Bulky, and three Big skeins of Loops & Threads Impeccable. I’ve got 2 other skeins of Mega Bulky already in my stash that will go with these colors, so I’m thinking its blanket time! There’s also 2 containers of air dry clay plus a slushie machine, all of which she got for about $20. πŸ™‚

This though, BTW, is not a good Ben & Jerry’s flavor. The ice cream itself is alright but the caramel core is so salty its like brine. I might actually throw the rest of this pint in the trash and call it a loss.

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On the 15th I have an appointment in Panarama City for my consultation about getting a tubal ligation. I’m not looking forward to the drive down there, and I hope I don’t have to pay for parking, but if all goes well it puts me one step closer to making sure I stay child-free! Yay! And yes, I know its permanent, and yes I’ve thought about it a lot. For about 20 years to be exact. If I could have had this done at 20 easily I would have.

An Experiment

I saw my psych doctor yesterday and discussed with him my issues with sleeping at night, staying asleep sometimes, and that I experienced a 6 week long hypo-manic episode which is completely unusual for me. My bipolar, when unmedicated, was very rapid cycling, so even this weird mixed episode lasting 6 weeks is very odd and out of the ordinary. He suggested for my issues getting to sleep I try Klonopin and see if it helps. I don’t expect to take it every night but on nights when I’d otherwise be up until 4am, hopefully it will help. They are 2mg tablets, and I took one last night. I fell asleep within 30 minutes and slept for 14 hours straight through. I bought a pill splitter today so will try a half of one tonight instead. 14 hours sleep is a bit excessive.

I also returned a few skeins of yarn I overbought for my current blanket project and got a few dollars store credit. Its not a lot but I couldn’t see any need to keep that particular excess in yarn. The blanket, after I did the math on paper, has 24 more rounds before its finished, if I stop at only one round of off white on the outside edge. It will definitely be big enough for the intended person’s bed when its done.

Monday night while we were at pool league, I took some yarn and a hook and in about two hours between games and the following afternoon, I put together this hat.

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It looks better on an actual person then it does on my foam head.

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I used super bulky Lion Brand Hometown USA yarn and the majority of the hat is HDC, but the opening edge/rim is SC. Some of the stitches were done granny square style as well. I’m really happy with it especially since it only took 2 hours to make!

Food today has been pretty good. I did some snacking, but dinner was healthy and I still have room in my day to cut up and split that cantaloupe with Mattie later when he gets home from pool tonight.

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Dinner looks kind of gross but it was so good. I thin sliced 2 zucchinis, about a half a pound of carrots, two bunches od green onions, chopped, 1 cup dry white rice, 2 eggs, and a 12 ounce package of bacon, chopped. I also added garlic powder. It all went into the wok and was periodically stirred until everything was cooked and the loose moisture had been cooked off. It tasted so much better than I expected! Mattie felt the need to add soy sauce but he said he would eat it again, so that’s good.

Not a lot else to share right now. Mattie’s got pool again tonight so will probably just watch some TV in the bedroom and work on the never ending blanket for a while!

About Me & This Blog

I struggle with mental illness. I’m Bipolar, plus a hefty dose of its accompanying depression. I’m fully med-compliant, and I recently did a year of therapy; my therapist was amazing.

I have 2 betta fish, 5 aquatic snails, some shrimp, 2 German Shepherd x Belgian Malinois pups named Yuba & Tejony, and my cat named Mildred. There’s also a gosling with her duckling friends, aka Gertrude and the Webbies. I live with my mom and her boyfriend, following the end of my previous almost 8 year relationship.

I enjoy all sorts of crafts, but especial yarncraft and jewelry. I sell some of my things I’ve made on my other site, Kittyloaf Designs.

I’m currently rediscovering who I really am. This has manifested in ways such as getting a lazyhawk, really delving into self-care, getting the body mods I’ve wanted for years, making new friends, and exploring kink. It means along with therapy, I feel like I’m finally blooming into the amazing woman I’m supposed to be.

I’m fat. I’m not saying that in a body-shaming way. Its merely an adjective that fits my large body. I’m working with my therapist to get into the right headspace to hopefully want to lose weight (again) and get fit and healthy.

I love comments. Seriously. You don’t need to sign up, and you could even use a fake email if you wanted. Just say something. πŸ™‚