That moment when you realize you accidentally donated your full body vinyl catsuit to Goodwill….
— 👑Fuckin Princess👑 (@debslosingit) May 18, 2017
It cannot be bought,
but can be stolen with one glance.
Worthless to one,
priceless to two.
This is pretty much my life.
Stolen from Death Wish Coffee.
Stolen from the lovely Wittneyshawnelle on Instagram.
Chris: Is that a Pokemon?
Me: It should be!
Me: Its fighting skill is surprise vomiting.
Chris: Oh so like a real Pokemon then?
Me: We came home to poop all over the living room.
Liz: Okay so like…
Me: It was still warm so she literally just did it.
Liz: I had to read that twice.
Me: Lol Omg no. We did not poop all over the living room!
Me: Mattie is being a butt and not letting me sleep so I got up. He’s asleep though. Like a flailing corpse.
Chris: So like a zombie…
Me: Yes a zombie with flying knees and elbows.
Chris: Is he all “Ugh! Zombie Mattie crave brains… and beards… and boobs! Zombie Mattie has complex wants and needs! Argh!”
Me: So did I show you my pussy? Damn it. My pussy hat.
Chris: You know I know you mean that women’s movement thing.
Me: Stupid phone. Making me sound dirty. I’m almost done with the second one someone is paying me money for.
Chris: I knew you would make money with your pussy. I’ve been saying it for years.
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.
– Roy Batty (Blade Runner)
Me: I feel bad making her move again. She’s old and hurty.
Liz: Maybe you can compromise? I don’t know. I don’t know what I expected when I said that. Negotiate with the dog?
Me: She’s very stuck in her ways. There’s no negotiating with bitchy grandma.