It cannot be bought,
but can be stolen with one glance.
Worthless to one,
priceless to two.
Chris: Is that a Pokemon?
Me: It should be!
Me: Its fighting skill is surprise vomiting.
Chris: Oh so like a real Pokemon then?
Me: We came home to poop all over the living room.
Liz: Okay so like…
Me: It was still warm so she literally just did it.
Liz: I had to read that twice.
Me: Lol Omg no. We did not poop all over the living room!
Me: Mattie is being a butt and not letting me sleep so I got up. He’s asleep though. Like a flailing corpse.
Chris: So like a zombie…
Me: Yes a zombie with flying knees and elbows.
Chris: Is he all “Ugh! Zombie Mattie crave brains… and beards… and boobs! Zombie Mattie has complex wants and needs! Argh!”
Me: So did I show you my pussy? Damn it. My pussy hat.
Chris: You know I know you mean that women’s movement thing.
Me: Stupid phone. Making me sound dirty. I’m almost done with the second one someone is paying me money for.
Chris: I knew you would make money with your pussy. I’ve been saying it for years.