• Dreamtime

    Sex, Drugs, and Hamsters

    I had two super weird dreams last night.

    The first one, Alix and I went to a bar and some guy swapped out my phone, purse and wallet for one that looked the same but didn’t have any of my stuff in them. We meet up with these Asian people, a 17 year old girl and a 30 year old guy. They wrote love letters to me on my arms, and then we decided to go pick up some heroin and head out to a campsite to get high.

    The girl got the drugs and we all pulled into this weird car where somehow there were 5 of us and 4 of us were in an open compartment in the back, hanging on for dear life. While we were driving we were doing the heroin, which was used by painting it onto your skin and fingernails. High as fuck and we somehow made it to the campsite.

    Once we got there, there were these huge bowl shaped concrete things that were designed for sleeping in. I dove into one with the Asian guy where we had a lot of sex. I don’t remember any details except he had a freakishly thick cock.

    There was a noise outside and he went to investigate, and now I was in a room. A naked man, who was a knight, appeared in the corner, with a long pink feather boa draped around his body.

    The knights took us captive and into their magical kingdom. Somehow I defeated their Queen and became the new Queen, and lived in a house that was medievil stone work on the outside but completely modern inside. I had all the sexy sex with all the knights.

    Sex with the knights was bizarre because as a magical people, their bodies worked a little differently. Along with ejaculating the usual fluids, they also ejaculated tickets that could be traded in for prizes. Kinda weird. Make your man cum, gain prizes!

    Then I had a second dream, which while not so wild, was still weird.

    My dad was excited to show me something. He had bought me 48 hamsters, though the two largest looked like guinea pigs. He said Halo seemed bored with life. I asked if he got them any food and he said they only need to eat when their teeth hurt.

    The hamster pigs were in the feed trailer so I guess they could eat the hay and then I woke up.

  • Dreamtime

    Twofer

    I’ve had a couple really out there dreams in the last few days I thought I would share.

    A couple days ago, I dreamt that I was at this big gathering, mostly women, and I had gotten there by school bus.

    Apparently it was a get to know you mixer where polygamous families could look for a new sister wife. (probably inspired by my recent watching of Big Love)

    I was approached by 3 people, who all wanted to know if I was interested in joining their families. One was a request from someone who was a friend when I was a teen (until I found out he was a neo-Nazi) & one was delivered by the mother of the woman who was interested in me. I wasn’t the least bit interested in him but she did get my attention and I agreed to meet for dinner.

    The woman was named Amy and she was an Asian Mayim Bialik. Somehow we ended up having sex on the school bus in front of all the mothers. It was weird. It was also surprising because she had a very large penis.

    There was also a subplot going on where my shoes kept disappearing. And then I woke up.

    The dream I had today was a little wilder. I came out of somewhere to get in my car, but my car was gone. I asked a couple people where my car was, and someone knocked me out and dragged me to their car where upon awakening, I was presented with a mop that was a super computer (and kind of reminded me of Alexa) and told I needed to get home immediately, that this other woman would drive me there.

    My friend and I got in the car with her, and as we were approaching my house, we saw the ravine was filled with ice and there was a washing machine race going on. The woman driving us suddenly veered off the road down into the ravine where we discovered a huge party going on. Everything was covered in ice and snow, there was a part of a house (a kitchen with a beer fridge and a living room down the hall) and so many people milling around.

    After a few hours I knew I had to get home because something happened to my dogs, and I tried and tried to climb out of the ravine with my mop and a rake. Eventually I succeeded and started trekking my way towards home only to have to pass thru another building floating on bits of ice in a large body of freezing water that was filled with embroidery projects.

  • Dreamtime

    Night with the Living Dead

    Another crazy dream this week, folks!

    This time, my dead friend Chris just showed up at my house in the middle of the night. Not even a phone call first. I was shocked but invited him in even though I wasn’t allowed to have guests.

    He had lost a ton of weight while “dead” and while I still recognized him, he was like another person.

    We ended up having sex… But I could barely feel him even though he was pretty big. And he didn’t know how to kiss – he was a drooler. There’s nothing worse than a drooler!

    My mom kept walking in on us acting disgusted and then she started parading random people through the bedroom too. Most of them were Rafael’s extended family and they all wanted to shake hands.

    We eventually finished having sex and he made all these weird mechanical spurting noises when he finished, like he was a machine. It was bizarre.

    Then I woke up.

  • General

    What’s Wrong With Us?

    I’ve collected a few tweets that highlight things I find myself thinking about – mainly what the hell is wrong with us as a people that these are the things we have to be worried about?

    https://twitter.com/angrygn0me/status/998946424871153664?s=19

    https://twitter.com/ashleyn1cole/status/998716288376737792?s=19

  • Kinky Fun

    Adulting Like A Motherfucker

    Anyone who knows me, knows I have problems with setting boundaries, and expressing my thoughts and feelings to other people. I had multiple conversations in the last 24 hours where I adulted like a motherfucker. I’m proud of myself.

    1. Last night I was talking to an old friend I recently reconnected with. Years ago, we used to hang out all the time, and since we have the same middle and last name, we called each other Mr and Mrs W——. Anyway, he was talking about how this girl he’s been seeing is all drama and games and I told him stop playing with little girls, get your shit together, and set an example for your son. His response cracked me up – “oh shit! My wife is finally back!”
    2. I had an honest conversation with C, who contacted me after the party last Saturday and we’ve been talking since. I was clear that while I like him and want to get to know him better, a big hurdle in any sort of dating or whatever is that he’s poly, and I am absolutely not. However, I think at the least he would make a great friend and future partner in crime. It’s fucking wonderful to be wanted though!
    3. I had a conversation with J explaining more of my living situation as well as that while I find a lot of women attractive, I’m not really into them like I am men. That his wife is adorable, but it was more of a spur of the moment thing. He invited me to another party the weekend after this one but…

    I am hopefully getting together with an old friend not this weekend but next, and I’m excited and can’t wait. This person is literally the only person who can turn me into a mewling puddle with just a look and I just want him to use me. I trust him completely and his touch is heaven. To say I’ll be disappointed if it doesn’t happen is an understatement.