I went on Amazon and I made a little wishlist of items I still need for school. It was stuff like notebooks, a pencil sharpener, pens, some less serious stuff like planner stickers too.
I posted the wishlist link in a couple of my social profiles and some incredibly kind soul whom I barely know purchased most of the items on the list.
I feel like the Grinch when his heart grew so many sizes. I know none of the items were very expensive, but knowing someone had enough faith in me to pick up a few of these things – it’s incredible.
We see so much hate in the world every day but there’s still people like that person doing good deeds that make it seem worthwhile. I’m making a note of their name so I can return the favor later this year when money isn’t so tight.
And for all you haters who think Ravelry is a horrible place, it happened there because we take care of each other. We’re a community. Parts of us are like families.
Update: every damn item on my school supplies wishlist was purchased plus some items off my regular wishlist. I can’t thank you all enough!
I have had my Facebook account deactivated for all but about 3 months of the last two years. I hate it. It’s too intrusive and I finally decided to delete it.
I made a non-facebook affiliated messenger account, which was fine until I tried to sign in to a second device. I then got a message that my account was permanently banned. I couldn’t make a new account with the same phone number either. I only have one cell phone number.
At that point I had to grab my old account I wanted to delete to all talk to my friends. Ugh.
I set about deleting all personal info from my Facebook profile – changed my name, deleted thousands of photos and tags.
Then I find out that on a computer, or thru the android app, or through my phone browser, I can’t delete any photos that used to be profile pictures. And I can no longer deactivate my account. The option just isn’t there.
I ended up making a new account under an assumed name on Facebook, putting no personal info in it, locking down all the privacy as much as possible, adding the people I want to talk to on messenger, and deleting the Facebook app. No friend requests will be accepted on Facebook and I won’t be joining or liking anything to remain as incognito as possible.
Its super frustrating that once Facebook gets its claws into you, it does not want to ever let go. Grrr!
I was browsing the internet (okay, one specific site and if you’re a member you’ll know which one) and I came across a fetish on someone’s profile.
to be spanked until you cry
This made my brain light up all the dopamine receptors because holy crap. This is my kink.
There’s a lot of “kinky” (I put kinky in quotes cause it really is subjective) things I would like to try, and quite a few I’m into, but this one is pretty non-sexual.
I strongly prefer a bare-bottom and bare-handed spanking, (I want that harsh, hot sting) hard enough to leave me shaking and in tears. After that I just want to be cuddled until I fall asleep. It’s a pretty simple thing, but most people won’t use enough force to put me in that place. That delicious, floaty, warm place.
It’s not as simple as just finding someone to do it though. I need to know that you know me well enough to judge what I need and how to administer it. And you need to be able to actually strike me hard enough to get the job done. I also need to have trust in you that you’ll take the time to offer aftercare and coddle me a bit afterwards.
That second bit is tough to get from a lot of vanilla people because they don’t understand that pain can be a really beautiful thing. And I get it. Plenty of people don’t like pain. Plenty of people don’t get turned on by it. I do. I love it.
I’m not really angry anymore, but I am contemplating unfriending Mattie on Facebook, and his mom too. My curiosity got the better of me, and I went trolling back to his posts when he announced our breakup. There was rather a lot of shit talking, which amounted to me being a crazy bitch, a terrible cook (his mother agreed on this even though she’s never eaten my cooking?), and there were comments about how at least I wouldn’t be trying to poison him any longer. Granted, I said some things here, but I did not post things like that where he was likely to see them nor did I encourage my friends to badmouth him. I asked him on Saturday for space- and he hasn’t respected that at all so far because he’s still sending me messages and chattering away at me just like nothing had happened. He’s refusing to respect my “no” and that’s not okay.
At the urging of a friend, I joined FetLife, which is a rather interesting place. Basically its Facebook for fetistists/kinksters. Creating my profile was interesting, as has been browsing the site in general. I found a few people I know right off, which honestly, while nice, was not a surprise. Some of the people I found I’m quite fond of, while others… well, I won’t be communicating with them there, either. But such is social networking, right?
I think I’ve lost a few pounds over these last few weeks, though not because I was trying. If I’ve been out of the house, I’ve eaten once per day, and at home, maybe twice, and half the time its been salad. I just don’t have an appetite most days. Am I depressed? I’m honestly not sure. On the surface I feel pretty good- I’m free of the confines of the unhappiness of my last relationship, and I can do what I want now. I can focus on making myself happy, instead of someone who can’t be happy no matter what I did. I’m free to branch out, meet new people, pursue what I like, and say no to what I don’t. But at the same time, I’m unhappy at having to have had to move back to my mom’s. This is not my home. I honestly don’t know where home is at this point and I feel somewhat unmoored.
I saw my psychologist yesterday and I requested a refill on my Klonopin Rx. I still have several left, but I like having it just in case. I took one every night the week we broke up, but haven’t touched them since. And I’ve been working off of the same 30 tablets for over a year so its not like I just take them all the time.
Today I was supposed to meet with County Mental Health’s Employment Specialist, but I cancelled and rescheduled my appointment for after the first. I messed up my finances pretty badly this month and I don’t have gas money to make trips I absolutely don’t have to into town. I sold some stuff at the beginning of the month, and I had less expenses, but between paying off some small debts and eating in town a lot, I managed to overspend for the month and now I’m counting pennies until next month’s money comes in. Next month will be better though. I just need to track my spending better and stick to my budget. I can do this.
I also saw Princess yesterday and we hung out for a little while. It was nice to see her and nicer to see she’d gotten rid of her husband. Seems to be a lot of that going around. She’s looking fabulous though and the kids- OMG! The girl is 14 now and beautiful, and the oldest boy is 6 foot and trying to learn to play guitar. I was like damn it. I feel so old seeing them as closer to adulthood then babyhood.
I did get most of my stuff tucked away into the spare room, so I can say most of my belongings have been put up. There’s still a few things laying around the house, but its still progress made. And my mom is making an effort (finally) to clean up the rest of the house. She’s sent me into town with 4 kitchen trash bags full of stuff to be donated, and thrown away a bunch more. Of course there’s still a ton to go through but any progress is good. I still need to get her to take in the old electronics to the drop off and that would clear out a lot of space in the house. But baby steps….
And I got rid of almost half of my yarn! Stuff I wasn’t completely in love with I sold, with a few more still to go. It made a big difference in getting things put away.