General

Things

I’m not really angry anymore, but I am contemplating unfriending Mattie on Facebook, and his mom too. My curiosity got the better of me, and I went trolling back to his posts when he announced our breakup. There was rather a lot of shit talking, which amounted to me being a crazy bitch, a terrible cook (his mother agreed on this even though she’s never eaten my cooking?), and there were comments about how at least I wouldn’t be trying to poison him any longer. Granted, I said some things here, but I did not post things like that where he was likely to see them nor did I encourage my friends to badmouth him. I asked him on Saturday for space- and he hasn’t respected that at all so far because he’s still sending me messages and chattering away at me just like nothing had happened. He’s refusing to respect my “no” and that’s not okay.

At the urging of a friend, I joined FetLife, which is a rather interesting place. Basically its Facebook for fetistists/kinksters. Creating my profile was interesting, as has been browsing the site in general. I found a few people I know right off, which honestly, while nice, was not a surprise. Some of the people I found I’m quite fond of, while others… well, I won’t be communicating with them there, either. But such is social networking, right?

I think I’ve lost a few pounds over these last few weeks, though not because I was trying. If I’ve been out of the house, I’ve eaten once per day, and at home, maybe twice, and half the time its been salad. I just don’t have an appetite most days. Am I depressed? I’m honestly not sure. On the surface I feel pretty good- I’m free of the confines of the unhappiness of my last relationship, and I can do what I want now. I can focus on making myself happy, instead of someone who can’t be happy no matter what I did. I’m free to branch out, meet new people, pursue what I like, and say no to what I don’t. But at the same time, I’m unhappy at having to have had to move back to my mom’s. This is not my home. I honestly don’t know where home is at this point and I feel somewhat unmoored.

I saw my psychologist yesterday and I requested a refill on my Klonopin Rx. I still have several left, but I like having it just in case. I took one every night the week we broke up, but haven’t touched them since. And I’ve been working off of the same 30 tablets for over a year so its not like I just take them all the time.

Today I was supposed to meet with County Mental Health’s Employment Specialist, but I cancelled and rescheduled my appointment for after the first. I messed up my finances pretty badly this month and I don’t have gas money to make trips I absolutely don’t have to into town. I sold some stuff at the beginning of the month, and I had less expenses, but between paying off some small debts and eating in town a lot, I managed to overspend for the month and now I’m counting pennies until next month’s money comes in. Next month will be better though. I just need to track my spending better and stick to my budget. I can do this.

I also saw Princess yesterday and we hung out for a little while. It was nice to see her and nicer to see she’d gotten rid of her husband. Seems to be a lot of that going around. She’s looking fabulous though and the kids- OMG! The girl is 14 now and beautiful, and the oldest boy is 6 foot and trying to learn to play guitar. I was like damn it. I feel so old seeing them as closer to adulthood then babyhood.

I did get most of my stuff tucked away into the spare room, so I can say most of my belongings have been put up. There’s still a few things laying around the house, but its still progress made. And my mom is making an effort (finally) to clean up the rest of the house. She’s sent me into town with 4 kitchen trash bags full of stuff to be donated, and thrown away a bunch more. Of course there’s still a ton to go through but any progress is good. I still need to get her to take in the old electronics to the drop off and that would clear out a lot of space in the house. But baby steps….

And I got rid of almost half of my yarn! Stuff I wasn’t completely in love with I sold, with a few more still to go. It made a big difference in getting things put away.

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Crafting · General

Final Tally & A Tour

Here’s what’s gone out of my craft room over the last week! Woohoo! No wonder my space feels better.

Shopping bags of stuff donated – 15

– including almost 5 miles of yarn

– 5 pounds of beads

– 4 bags of clothing

– 1 kitchen trash bag of fabric scraps

Emptied storage containers – 1 tackle box, 1 large shipping tote, 6 shoe drawers, 4 5″ x 8″ bead containers

Bags of trash thrown out – 4

Missing things found – 1 hat I thought was stolen

WIPs discovered – 3

And here’s the way everything looks now… This is the closet nook, with its permanently stained floor and tight space. It doesn’t look great, but it does look so much better.

On the left side is the majority of my fabrics.

On the right side is batting, fleece, felt, purse handles, and zippers.

In between is a bag of fiber fill, bubble wrap, and some reusable shopping totes. There’s shipping supplies and unused yarn storage on the tops.

Along that same wall is the “wall of yarn”. The big yarn wall. I’ll be donating a few more skeins (some of the stuff piled on top) of yarn tomorrow. There’s a lot here but its mostly sorted by type and I can easily find what I’m after.

Also, it looks pretty. 🙂

The beading table, wire shelf holding my large skeins of yarn, and a few articles of clothing hanging up. There’s still some clutter off to the left, but most of that will be either donated or taken to a crafty day and passed around and what’s not claimed will be donated. I really want to find a more aesthetic solution for storage here but there’s so many tiny bits and pieces, I’m not sure what else I could use.

The sewing desk, my thread on the walls, and my dress forms. The cardboard boxes on the beading table are waiting for addresses to be shipped out, hopefully in the next few days.

The little yarn wall, and my earring displays. And Sashi. Sashi is very important.

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Crafting · General · Health · Music

All The Things

I’ve had another violin lesson with the lovely Faustina, and I still love it. Its challenging, but in a good way. My next (3rd) lesson is this Friday and while I’m struggling with my C note (2nd finger, 3rd string), otherwise I’m doing okay. I really should devote a little more time to practicing though. An extra half hour a wek would really make a difference, and that’s really only 5 minutes more a day if I practice 6 days a week.

My guitar I bought that I shared with you previously has been rehabbed, though I did have to rig up a fix for one of its issues. I replaced the tuning heads, the nut, the saddle, and the strings and bridge pins, but discovered after it was strung that there’s something not right with where the nut sits, and my strings were all touching the first fret. I poured, cured, and trimmed a small bit of clear resin to pad under the nut to raise it just a bit to keep the strings of the first fret. I also discovered after all of that (time, effort, money) that the neck is cracked. But it seems to be straight on the front side and playable so I will ignore it until it either gets worse or actually breaks. I’m doing the beginner’s group lesson at Guitar Center on the 17th. It will be a busy day as I will be doing that in the morning, we’ll be taking my FIL shopping after that, and then most likely going to a party in Palmdale.

My FIL has had a knack for scheduling his appointments at the only times I am actually busy, so I made and printed out calendars for him that show all the times I am not available… and he still manages to schedule things for the wrong days and times. *sigh* He scheduled one for this Friday right before my violin lesson…. there’s no way we will have time to get to his Dr’s appointment, then go out to eat, drive him home, drive back to Lancaster, and get to my lesson before 4pm, so I said we will have to go eat before the Dr’s appointment. I know he doesn’t want to get up that early but I did say noon or before 1pm when he was scheduling it and of course he scheduled it for 1pm.

When I go to my next Dr’s appointment I am asking to be taken off of the Trileptal. I don’t feel like it did anything to curb my mild mania, and honestly, I don’t want to take something that seems to do nothing for me. I closed my last credit card down so its going to take a lot of effort for me to do any crazy spending now, and really that’s all I do now if I’m somewhat manic.

I finished this blanket this morning- it was supposed to only be a baby blanket between 36″ and 42″ wide but nope. Once again my color plan took over and it grew and grew. It would be great over a couch or on a twin sized bed. I had to buy another skein of the red to finish it because I literally ran out with 15″ to go before it was done. Ugh. Oh well. At least its a nice red.

 

We are trying to eat a bit better and I stocked up on fruits and veggies this last shopping trip. There will be no excuses for eating like crap. When I bought all the groceries yesterday, the cashier rang up almost all of my fruits and vegetables wrong, but it ended up being to my benefit and I really didn’t feel like correcting her with almost every produce item she typed in.

 

 

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Crafting · General

Pictures & Words :p

I’ve got lots of photos and plenty of words for you this time. This month is crazy busy with appointments because I got my surgery date (finally!) and will be getting my tubal ligation on the 20th. That means I’ve had to drive all over the damn place for my pre-surgical tests but I’ve just finished my last one. Of course the day before its clear liquids only and I have to drink some icky stuff to flush me out, which I am hoping won’t interfere with the fact I see my psych doctor that same day.

I think adding the Zoloft to my daily regimen has helped. My manic episodes have tapered off for the most part to just low level hypo-manic, which is good because I feel mostly in control through those. I will discuss it with my doctor and we’ll decide whether to bump up my Geodon a bit or not.

 

img_20160403_220508447_hdr.jpgI crocheted this basket for my craft room, using one strand each of Jade and Burgundy (Red heart super saver). It was pretty quick but larger hooks hurt my hands so I was glad when it was finished.

This cute little daikon radish was super fast and easy to make! I loved doing his greenery afterwards and figured he could use a bit of a face so stitched his eyes on as well. As stated in the pattern, you could also use it to make a carrot. 🙂 You can find the pattern on Ravelry.

I made two baby blankets as well, one of which (not pictured) I gave to Dee next door for Miranda, and one of which I am giving to a girl from the pool hall who is pregnant (below). This one is just a granny pentagon- super easy and quick to make. I think I spent a few hours over two days on this one.

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I made this super cute dinosaur stuffie for Tracy, and even gave him a smirk to match hers, though it was entirely accidental. His pattern is also located through Ravelry. I did shorten his neck and tail a bit because I was running short on yarn, but otherwise he’s pretty much like the pattern indicates.

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Last Wednesday I drove to Burbank and picked up Mattie at the airport and on the way home we stopped at Creative Ewe. So many gorgeous yarns, really nice store, and wonderful people staffing it. I am looking forward to going back when I can actually shop.

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Thursday we had a craft day (Tracy, Jami, and I) and we made these tasty sandwiches for lunch along with salad and of course lots of tasty snacks. She even got a lemon tart which was so good!

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I finally knit my Wurm hat, or as I am calling it, the beehive hat, complete with many many bees! It’s silly but I love it and I can’t stop wearing it.

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My yarn order that UPS failed to deliver, and then a few days later delivered to the wrong house. Finally arrived.

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Our last photos for today are two of my favorite face in the world. 🙂 She finally got over being mad at Mattie after he came home from his trip and decided she wanted to spend some time snuggling with him. A bad, blurry photo I know but she was so cute sitting in his lap in his chair!

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She’s also been spending a lot of time in silly positions lately. The weather is getting warmer so its all about exposing her belly!

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I also finally tracked down the High Desert Ukulele Club completely by accident. Tom and I were at dinner at the Greenhouse Cafe yesterday and I saw they were meeting in the next room, so maybe in a few weeks I will join them and actually learn to play it.

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General

Organizing & Cleaning Oh My!

I’ve been cleaning and organizing pretty much everything the last few days. I finally vacuumed my craft room, and I moved my dress forms into the bathroom since I’m not doing a lot of sewing right now and I don’t use them for everything. I managed to get the toilet in the bathroom back there to stop running so I guess I can use it if I need to. I got all my beads sorted and put away except fro one little bag of them, and I have dropped off more donations to the thrift store.

My cubical shelves came in yesterday so I assembled them and got them put up. I reorganized my yarn and now I have empty spaces. I need to remember that I do not need to keep buying yarn to keep filling the empty spaces. The top left and top center cubes are all Charisma yarn and I have a similar amount on two shelves of Softee Chunky. There’s still a few yarns I am considering getting rid of but I’m still undecided.

 

The cubicals below I already had but I was able to sort things out a little better- The top shelves are all Red Heart Super Saver, and the bottom is Caron Simply Soft. In the middle, from left to right are sewing books, jewelry making books, and my knitting and crochet books and magazines. Some unfortunately have to lay down because they are too tall to fit otherwise.

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I think I am coming out of this crazy manic period I was in. I don’t feel compelled to shop any more and I’m not as antsy or fidgety. I hope this means I will even out in the next few weeks and things will be good again, but if we need to try increasing my Geodon dose, then so be it.

I spent some time yesterday, about an hour, playing with clay, and I made a new skull sculpture. I still need to paint it, but it turned out pretty well. Its crazy heavy though, using about half a pound of clay around a large ball of aluminum foil to make it faster to bake and not so heavy. I’ll share photos of him later on. 🙂

Sashi of course things I need her help with everything, but when I actually let her tag along she gets bored and either naps, or just drapes herself over the couch and looks bored. I was taking one of my recently regular afternoon naps and I woke up to this view. She was as close as she could get without actually touching me, and when I opened my eyes she decided to lick me half to death. I love this sweet face so much!

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General · Health

Hello! Or Something

This morning we had the plumber out to take a look at three issues we were having with the water. We’ve had no cold water to the washer for months, which means I’ve had to fill the washer from the hose, which as you can imagine, gets old quickly, and because there’s no cold water going in, our washer skips the rinse cycle. We’ve been unable to take baths because almost no water will come out of the bathtub tap. Barely a trickle. And the water to the swamp cooler can’t be turned off all the way- minor enough in the grand scheme of things, but something that needed fixing. The plumbers were here about an hour and a half and fixed everything for us, so hopefully we can go awhile before we need to call them out again.

I got 3 of my things I’ve ordered recently in the mail today- Curvy Girl Crochet (which honestly I’m a little disappointed in most of the designs- they are typical fat girl styles and don’t properly show off the right curves), a skein of Bernat Blanket in Vintage White that after a gift card redemption I got for $0.08, and a beautiful ball of Knit Picks Chroma in North Woods which I can’t stop looking at. I’ve got 4 more small items coming (3 more books and 2 skeins of lovely, lovely yarn) and I found (and ordered) the shelving unit I wanted for the other side of my craft room at Target at a slightly lower price than even Closetmaid offers. I am having it shipped to Target to pick up so hopefully it will arrive sooner than having their painfully slow shipping sent to my house.

I seem to be doing okay on the Zoloft so far. It seems to be helping curb my ever present anxiety a bit more and I am sleeping better than before. I’m also pretty sure I’ve entered another manic phase though and we will need to try upping the dosage of my Geodon the next time I go in to see my doctor. In other doctor related news, I got the okay from my insurance to schedule my surgery for tubal ligation so will call to make the appointment on Monday. I need to let that doctor know about the changes to my medications as well.

I’ve spent quite a bit of time the last few days cleaning, sorting, organizing, and throwing out a ton of stuff from my craft room. Basically I threw out 2 trash bags full of cheap, icky, 60’s and 70’s polyester knit fabrics in various states of being turned into shirts and dresses by my grandmother. I took the time to remove all the pins from the bundles and removed the occasional paper pattern piece from them as well- the pins for me, and the mismatched pattern pieces for an art project for Tracy. I also bagged up half a bag of clothing and yarn to donate to thrift. The bag I had of finished sewing projects I was able to store in the bottom drawer of my fabric storage which cleared up quite a bit of space. I’m hoping to get my craft room looking fabulous in the next week or so and as organized as it can get.

That’s all I’ve got for now so until next time… 🙂

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Health

Guinea Pig

Yesterday I had my appointment with my psych doctor and it went well. I explained to him that in hindsight I felt going off of the Wellbutrin and not trying another anti-depressant was a mistake, that I felt I had been going downhill over the last six months, culminating in a couple of weeks of crying and some very negative thoughts. I also told him in less than a year I’ve gained 90 pounds, because to put it simply, I eat my feelings and I’ve not been well. Of course it took months for me to see it for myself because I never see it until I’m about thirty feet underground.

He pointed out that I’ve been having manic depressive cycles which I should not be, and we decided to try Zoloft and see where that leaves me. Later we may try increasing my dose of Geodon as well if this doesn’t control my cycling. I took the first dose of the Zoloft last night.

After I picked up my new Rx, I stopped by Michael’s and found two skeins of yarn I liked in the clearance aisle, plus got some others that were on sale, plus I had a 20% off coupon. I also got two rubber stamps for $1.00 each.

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One of my clearance yarns. I've been wanting to try this yarn for a while but it's rather expensive for am acrylic yarn so hadn't gotten any until now.

We had pool league last night and I did terrible. 16 points across all 4 games, my best game being a 6. Just not a good night for me or really anyone on our team. We only won one set.

After we left pool, we stopped by Berry Star and got frozen yogurt. I tracked all my food yesterday and managed to stay under my limits. I’m trying to use up all the meat in the freezer before I buy more, and I think we have about 5 days left – I think we will run out right before the end of the month.

After we got home, Mattie went right to bed, and I fed the dogs, did the dishes, took the dogs out to potty, put some purchased craft supplies away, put the dishes away, checked the mail, sorted out and threw away Mattie’s holey socks, and put the laundry away. It was a lot of stuff but it only took about 45 minutes to do. Then I finally got to bed. 

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Health

Things Are Not So Good (But I’m Working On It!)

It has come (rather rudely) to my attention that I really should not have gone off of my anti-depressants a year or so ago and that I have been slowly spiraling downwards since. I spent about half of the week following my return home from Washington on the edge of a major meltdown and I’ve spent the past few days calling Mental Health twice daily until they could move my appointment up to sometime this month. I haven’t been knitting, crocheting, or playing with clay. I just can’t make myself care about any of it right now. Tracy said she knew something was wrong when I stopped playing with my clay. She’s likely right that that was the first serious part of the decline. But that’s the thing about depression. You don’t always know when its happening until you’re so low you can;t see over the top of the pit any more. All of a sudden you realize you’re buried in this big deep hole with no daylight left in sight. The only good thing about having been here before is I know there is daylight beyond the rim and I know how and where to get help for it.

On a happier note, this is the yarn I ordered while on a great sale from Michael’s online.

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Its a completely crappy phone picture, but you can see the gorgeous jewel tones of the colors. Why so much? Because when you buy from the Michael’s website, you have to buy in warehouse inner pack quantities. In the case of most of the yarns, that’s 3 skeins, but some are different.

Then as if I didn’t have enough new yarn, my mom got me this mess for my birthday via one of the warehouse’s employee only sales.

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That’s 9 coordinating skeins of Bernat Mega Bulky, and three Big skeins of Loops & Threads Impeccable. I’ve got 2 other skeins of Mega Bulky already in my stash that will go with these colors, so I’m thinking its blanket time! There’s also 2 containers of air dry clay plus a slushie machine, all of which she got for about $20. 🙂

This though, BTW, is not a good Ben & Jerry’s flavor. The ice cream itself is alright but the caramel core is so salty its like brine. I might actually throw the rest of this pint in the trash and call it a loss.

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On the 15th I have an appointment in Panarama City for my consultation about getting a tubal ligation. I’m not looking forward to the drive down there, and I hope I don’t have to pay for parking, but if all goes well it puts me one step closer to making sure I stay child-free! Yay! And yes, I know its permanent, and yes I’ve thought about it a lot. For about 20 years to be exact. If I could have had this done at 20 easily I would have.

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Crafting · General

Organizing & Cleaning Up!

While I was away, I ordered a shelf from Amazon that was 3 x 3 cubes.  It arrived home a bit before I did, so this morning I got a screwdriver and a hammer and set to work putting it together. I had a false start where I had it almost halfway assembled before I realized I used the wrong piece for the base. Oops!

It was pretty quick work though and I immediately loaded it up with my craft and sewing books and some yarn. I put my natural fiber and my Red Heart Super Saver and my Caron Simply Soft on the shelves, leaving soon for the Simply Soft that will be arriving in the next few days.

 

That gave me more room on my hanging yarn storage to better group things and I pulled the yarn I want to sell out and stuck them into one of my totes.  I think I might have a few other skeins to pay with so might just over it all up as a box for $x.

I’m going to save up for the 3 x 4 cube shelving unit (if I’m good I can order it at the beginning of April) to replace my hanging storage.  It will look nicer and sit closer to the wall opening up a bit more floor space in the process. Storage-wise, it will give me about the same amount of room as I have now. I overall like my hanging storage but as I get more yarn,  I find over stuffing them can slightly damage them and the white units look so much better in the room and are far sturdier. It would also give me the option to attack things on top of it underneath the wall – mounted shelf which I can’t do now.

Next month is Stitches West, a big knit /crochet / yarn convention thing in Santa Clara. I wish I could attend but it’s just not in the budget at all. Maybe next year though.

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